Total Freedom to Be Yourself
by miznik
Summary: Will McKenzie has had a long-time crush on his best friend and current roommate Simon Cooper. But he's keeping his crush under control. Simon isn't sure when he realized Will had a crush on him, but one day he decides to flirt back and see what will happen. What happens is more than four years of being friends - and sometimes more.
1. Chapter 1

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself. -Jim Morrison

Will McKenzie had a longtime secret crush on his best friend and roommate, Simon Cooper. He was good at hiding it, and it wasn't an all-consuming crush. After all, Will considered himself straight. He liked girls - he hoped to have sex with one some day. And there weren't any other guys that Will fancied, it was only Simon.

He could live with it. He'd already lived for several years listening to Simon talk about nothing but Carli. Will could happily admire Simon from afar, sometimes have a wank while thinking about him, and never _ever_ let Simon know what was really in his head.

He had it all under control. Really.

Simon Cooper wasn't sure exactly when he became aware that Will had a crush on him, but by the time it dawned on him, he wasn't surprised, so he must have subconsciously been aware of it for a while.

If Will had fancied Jay, Jay would have dropped Will as a friend and made a million gay-panic jokes along the way. If Will had fancied Neil, Neil never would have even been able to figure it out. Simon decided to just go with it, it was a little flattering after all. He was happy enough to pretend he didn't notice anything. Until one day when he wanted to see what would happen if he flirted with Will.

Simon knew it totally made him an asshole, to tease his friend this way, and he didn't really know why he did it. Maybe he felt a little flattered when he'd intentionally walk around their shared room naked after a shower, pretending he couldn't find pants, but really knowing Will was trying hard not to look at him. Simon could flirt with Carli and get rebuffed a million times. But when he'd smile and lay a hand on Will's arm, he'd see Will flush and look at him with pupils dilating, and Simon's self esteem got a little boost.

Since they'd started uni, Simon made a decision to stop treating Will like such shit. It was easier to do away from the influence of Jay and Neil. From the day they met, Will had been Jay's punching bag, and while Simon used to feel kind of bad about that, he had to admit the amount of shit Will would take from Jay was absolutely hilarious. Making this decision to be nicer to his friend and not take the piss just because Will carried a briefcase (My God, why did he still carry that thing, even in uni?) made Simon feel very grown up. He was the better, more mature Simon.

He hoped Carli would notice.

Simon didn't miss Jay and Neil at all. He and Will had gone most of first term without seeing them, without emailing them, and only occasionally seeing what they were up to on Facebook. Simon didn't know about Will, but he never really even thought about the other two. Rudge Park seemed like a lifetime away, even if he was rooming with Will and still seeing Carli most days.

So when Neil sent Simon a text letting him know that he and Jay were coming to visit Saturday night, and that Simon and Will had better find the best party, he wasn't exactly thrilled. He said to Will, "Jay and Neil are coming on Saturday. They want us to find a party."

Will looked slightly put out. If Simon hadn't thought much about Jay and Neil since starting uni, Will had outright tried to forget them. "Oh great," Will said sarcastically. "A party with all new people for Jay to make uncomfortable."

"Ah, come on." Simon said lightly. "He's not that bad."

Will huffed, "You know he is."

Simon shrugged. "He only acts like such a tit because his dad is a shitstain of a human."

"My dad _left_ me," Will reminded Simon. "And I don't act like that."

"No," Simon conceded, not wanting to talk about Will's own issues with being left by his dad. Because what good would that do? "Still, Jay may be awful and Neil as dumb as a brick, but they always find a good time, yeah?" Will still didn't see why they couldn't just take Jay and Neil to the pub like he and Simon usually did on the weekends.

Jay must have had a very drunken idea of a good time, because when he and Neil walked into Will and Simon's room early Saturday afternoon, he began pulling liquor bottles from his tote one by one. Will, who was doing schoolwork on his laptop ("On a Saturday?" was the first thing Jay had asked, "You fucking knob.") looked up. "You're only here one night," he pointed out. "You don't need a swimming pool's worth of liquor."

Jay made a face, "This is for the birds we'll meet. Get 'em drunk, right?"

"There will be drunk girls at the party," Will pointed out. Simon had sniffed around and managed to wrangle information and an invitation to a party off campus. "And what do you think you're going to do if you meet a girl? Bring her back here? Simon and I _live_ here and I don't want you getting sloppy with a girl on my floor."

"Chill," Simon said to Will, clapping him on the shoulder. "It's not like he's actually going to get lucky this time. Neil, on the other hand…."

"Fuck off," Jay said. "I've been drowning in trim since you bastards have left."

"Yeah?" Simon asked. "Name one."

"You wouldn't know any of 'em," Jay immediately answered. "Two of them at once when we I went to Caravan Club again with my mum and dad."

Will guffawed, "We know that's not true."

"Yeah, well how wet's your cock been getting, college boy? You even gotten close to any clunge?"

"No," Will said. "But at least I'm not bullshitting about it."

"Ah," Jay waved him off, "I can tell when someone's jealous."

Will snorted, but didn't argue the point further.

Will and Simon took Neil and Jay to their favorite pub for dinner before heading back to the room to pre-drink before the party. Simon invited Carli and her two roommates, Emma and May, to drink with them.

The nearly unimaginable amount of liquor Jay had brought was opened and shots were poured for all. Will, in an attempt to deal with Jay's shit toward him and his really awful skills hitting on both Emma and May, lost count of how many shots he'd taken. And he wound up lying on the bed, drunkenly slipping between being awake and spinning and being just on the edge of passing out.

He could vaguely hear the conversation going on around him, loud and full of laughter, but was mostly unaware of what was being said, until Carli said, "Well, what about you, Will?"

Will struggled to sit up, his head spinning, "Wha' about me?"

"If you had to sleep with someone in this room, who would it be?"

Will looked critically around the room, evaluating his options. Drunkenly deciding that honesty would be the best policy answered, "Simon."

A deadly silence followed.

Finally Jay crowed, "I fucking knew it! You're as bent as Neil's dad."

"He is not!" Neil said. When everyone turned to look at him, he corrected, "My dad. Not Will. Will's definitely bent."

"I'm not bent," Will insisted.

"You just said you wanted to shag Simon," Jay pointed out. "That seems pretty gay to me."

"I dinnit say I wanted to shag Simon," Will argued. "I said of all the people in the room, Simon's the one I would shag if I was forced to choose."

"No difference."

Will made an impatient noise in the back of his throat and swung his legs off the edge of the bed so he was sitting facing the others who were looking back at him, with eyes wide. He tried his best to explain, despite how much he'd had to drink, "I can't say Carli, because Si's been in love with her forever and he'd be pissed if I said her, right? I don't even know Emma and May and I don't _want_ to shag someone I don't know. Jay's a fucking tit, and I don't want him, and Neil has a history of STD's, so he's out." (Emma, who'd been getting getting closer to Neil all evening, gave him a side-eye and wrinkled her nose and scooted away from him) "So that leaves Simon as the only logical option."

There was another silence. Finally Jay let out a loud laugh, "But that's not logical at all! It's way more logical to just choose one of the girls. Unless you're bent." He turned to Simon, "What do you think about this, Si?"

Simon's face was flushed bright red, and he shrugged. Will cringed to himself. He shouldn't have answered the way he had. Probably he'd just ruined a friendship - the best one he'd ever had- over a stupid crush and answering this stupid question. He should have just said either Emma or May. "I-" Simon broke off. "It's fine. Will's just drunk."

"Very drunk," Will stressed.

"Drunk and bent," Jay said, nudging Simon in the side and he started singing. "Will and Simon, sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G."

Simon rolled his eyes, "We aren't _fucking._ " He stood up, "This is stupid, let's go to the party."

The others stood up, but Will lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes. "I'm not going. I'm bout to pass the fuck out."

After another silence, where Will could feel the others gazing at him, Simon finally said. "Suit yourself."

While the others were at the party, Will lay in the fetal position on his bed trying to mentally prepare himself for having to face Simon, having to talk to Simon, having to fucking _live_ with Simon. Maybe it'd be better to try and get placed with another roommate.

It wasn't much later when the door opened quietly. Will opened one eye and saw that it was Simon. "You awake?" he asked Will.

"Yeah," Will answered miserably.

Simon perched on the edge of Will's bed and Will rolled over so he was on his back. "Jay's an asshole," he said after a few moments silence.

"I know," Will said.

"I don't care if you're a little bit...you know."

"A little gay?" Will asked.

"Yeah," Simon said. "You are, right?"

Will shrugged. "No. I like girls."

"Oh," Simon looked down at his legs. "But do you also like guys?"

Will sighed and let the question hang in the air for a while before answering, "I don't know. Maybe." _Or maybe just one guy,_ he thought to himself.

"Either way, I don't care." Simon reassured him.

Will grunted in response, unsure if Simon wanted him to thank him.

Simon sighed and jiggled his leg a little. "Can you sit up?" he asked Will. "Are you too drunk to sit up?"

Will sat up, "I can sit."

"Good," Simon said, and he leaned over and pressed his lips to Will's.

Simon's eyes were closed, but even so he could tell that Will's eyes were wide open and his back was rigid. Will didn't kiss back. Will didn't even _breathe._ And yet, Simon kept his lips on Will's until finally Simon felt him relax, felt a small sigh from his nose, and Will kissed back.

Simon decided to push it a little further and opened his mouth a little. Will took full advantage of that to deepen the kiss and swipe his tongue through Simon's mouth. Simon was shocked, because he'd assumed Will, being a little nerdy and inexperienced, would be a sloppy kisser. But this? This was _amazing._ Will's kissing was the perfect blend of soft and warm, and it sent a jolt of electricity right into Simon's gut.

They kissed like that for several minutes, but when Simon reached up to the back of Will's neck to pull him closer, Will pulled back and broke the kiss. He held his hand up to his mouth, "What the hell was that?"

"What?" Simon looked shocked that Will would be anything but thrilled to have kissed him, "It was just a kiss."

"Why'd you do that?" Will demanded.

"I don't know I thought you-"

"You thought I'd want it?" Will asked, shocked. "I don't want this at all." He stood up and began pacing, stumbling a little in his continued drunkenness. "This will just fuck it all up. We can never be friends again and this may surprise you, Si, but I don't make friends very easily."

"It doesn't have to change anything," Simon said.

Will gave Simon a look, "Don't be a moron. Of course it would." Will grabbed his towel off the hook and his shower caddy. "I'm going to take a shower and when I come back, I'm going to sleep," and he stumbled out of the room toward the communal bathroom.

He turned the shower on, stepped in and immediately began wanking.

Back in the room, Simon was still sitting on the edge of Will's bed, the dawning realization about how much he liked kissing Will hitting him. He pulled his own cock out, and without even moving to his own bed, jerked off to the thought of Will, the first time he jerked off without thinking about Carli in years.

Jay made it back to their room sometime that night, though Neil went home with a girl. Will and Simon avoided eye contact over breakfast, and Jay was thankfully too hungover to notice anything strange between the two.

Neil made it back to their room by noon, and he and Jay left shortly after, but not before Jay asked innocently, "Hey Will. Do you think Neil's dad is gay?"

"Of course I do," Will answered. "Because he is."

"See?" Jay said. "It takes one to know one."

The awkwardness in the room was oppressive once Jay and Neil were gone. Will had his nose buried in his laptop, researching on the school's website to figure out how to be assigned a new roommate. Simon was restlessly moving around, grabbing books only to put them down, turning on the telly only to change a few channels and turn it off again, and finally gathering laundry only to throw it in his hamper but not actually wash it.

"This is stupid," he finally said to Will.

Will looked up, "Is it?"

"Yes," Simon insisted. "It is. If you want we can forget it ever happened."

"It happened," Will reminded him. "You kissed me."

"You liked it."

"So did you," Will countered.

Simon went quiet for a moment. "Yeah," he admitted. "I really did."

"See?" Will asked. "We won't forget it. I'm going to see if I can find a new roommate."

" _What_?" Simon asked. "Don't be stupid." Will ignored him and buried his nose deeper into his laptop. "Will," Simon shouted. "Listen to me."

"What?" Will shouted back.

"If we both liked it, there's nothing to be awkward about. If we both liked it, we should just ….do it again." Simon held his breath. All he'd been thinking about since last night was getting another chance to kiss Will.

"Do it again?" Will asked. "That'd be even stupider than having done it the first time."

"But was it really stupid?" Simon pressed.

"Yes. It was monumentally stupid. Because…" Will drifted off. "Look, not to get all sentimental or whatever, but you're my best friend. And I'd rather have you as a friend who I never kiss even if I want to sometimes, than get to kiss you and have our entire friendship go to hell."

"You're a good kisser," Simon said. "I really want to try that again."

"You were really drunk last night," Will said. "You don't know that I'm a good kisser." Despite saying that, Simon smirked to see a pleased flush cross Will's face at being called a good kisser.

Simon crossed the room and stood in front of Will's desk chair. He shut Will's laptop, "You aren't finding a new roommate. We're roommates and we're staying that way."

Will stood up and faced Simon, "I don't want it to get weird," he said quietly, as he and Simon took a small step toward one another.

"It won't," Simon promised as he closed the space between them and pulled Will in for a tentative kiss.

It was different this time. The intent last night had been drunk and needy, but today they were sober and careful, as though they knew they were balancing on a precipice between being friends (or more than that) and never speaking to each other again.

But as the kiss deepened, they forgot their initial tentativeness and moved closer to each other so their bodies were pressed together. Finally, lips still connected, they moved as one, Simon leading and Will walking backward, to Will's bed where they collapsed together.

Simon began unbuttoning Will's shirt, "Why do you always have to wear these button-up shirts?" he asked, frustrated as his shaking fingers struggled to undo the buttons.

"I'll help," Will answered, and he was much smoother about getting the shirt undone. While he did that, Simon pulled his own shirt over his head. Will got his shirt, and the crisp white undershirt off and was lying on his back. Simon was on all fours over top of him, and leaned down to continue kissing.

Simon didn't want to lay down all the way. He was hard and had mixed feelings about Will feeling how turned on he was. So he hovered above his best friend, trying to keep space between their pelvises.

Will had other ideas though, and he hooked his leg around Simon's waist and pulled him down so their bodies were pressed together. Any misgivings Simon had were quickly forgotten about when he felt Will's erection pressed firmly against his own. Simon gasped, "Jesus," when Will bucked his hips and thrust several times.

Will reached between them and started unzipping Simon's jeans. The bed was small and he fumbled and banged his elbow on the wall next to the bed. Finally Simon stood up to remove his own trousers. While he did that, Will took his own off, and folded them neatly and lay them on the floor.

They were both in their pants - Will in boxer shorts and Simon in boxer briefs. Will noticed Simon glance down at the erection in his boxers and saw a momentary look of panic on his face, as though he was having second thoughts about intimacy with another guy. Will scooted over as far as he could toward the wall. "Lay here," he patted the bed next to him.

Simon lay down next to Will, and Will began stroking his own cock. He didn't even take his boxers off all the way, just nudged them down so that his cock and balls were out. Will figured if Simon was thinking twice about what they were doing, that mutual masturbation might ease him in, so he wouldn't have to touch another guy's dick.

It worked. Will could feel Simon relax beside him, as he worked his own underwear down and began stroking. Will was left-handed, Simon right-handed. As they stroked together, Will let the fingers on his right hand grasp Simon's fingers on his left. Will felt the familiar build-up, and as his balls tightened, he squeezed Simon's hand and called out, "Simon!" as he came on his stomach.

Simon followed less than a minute later, also squeezing Will's hand for support. He made a sort of breathy choking sound in his throat as he came.

They lay side by side, breathing hard, and still holding hands. Finally, Will kicked off his boxers and used them to wipe the come off his front. He started to hand them to Simon, before making the decision to roll on his side and wipe Simon up for him. Simon looked surprised, and maybe a bit pleased, at the intimacy brought on by being wiped up by Will.

"That was…" Will began, as he pulled down the covers, got under them and covered himself and Simon up.

"Yeah," Simon agreed, not even knowing what Will was going to say. He cuddled into Will's side and planted a small kiss on his shoulder.

It surprised Will that things didn't change all that much between him and Simon. They continued to go to their separate classes, they continued to eat most meals together, and even hung out at the same pub with the same people on evenings and weekends. All that was still the same, but now they were snogging almost every night.

Before they'd go to sleep, one would go to the other's bed and they'd kiss and make out, and jerk each other off. They still hadn't progressed beyond mutual masturbation, which was fine with Will. He didn't think even making out with Simon would _ever_ get old. Though he did harbor fantasies of sucking Simon off. Simon, in the best mood he'd been in a while, was really open with Will. "No butt stuff," he said. "This is great, but I don't want you near my arsehole and I don't fancy doing anything to yours."

Will readily agreed to that, even though yet another of his fantasies was to have Simon over top of him fucking him into the mattress.

Several weeks went by and one day, Simon received a text from Carli. "Carli wants to go get a coffee," he said, surprised, to Will. He quirked a sideways grin, "She said she hasn't seen me around in a while."

Will flushed. Carli hadn't seen Simon around, because he'd been too busy making out with Will. Will worried that now that Simon wasn't paying her attention, Carli might decide she liked Simon after all, and that would be it for Will and Simon. "Are you going?" he asked.

"Yeah, why not?" He stood up and grabbed his jacket. "Don't wait up," he waggled his eyebrows in Will's general direction, before loping out the door.

"I won't," Will answered quietly as he scowled at the door that had just closed behind Simon.

Will spent the next two hours pretending to do classwork, but really trying to sort out his feelings. He didn't _own_ Simon, he couldn't very well tell Simon not to go out for a coffee with Carli. But he couldn't deny his jealousy. If he and Simon had never kissed, he could probably manage to be happy for his friend that the girl he'd loved for so long was showing an interest. But stupid fucking Jay and his stupid fucking question about who Will would like to fuck started something that made it impossible for Will to feel at all happy for Simon.

When Simon returned, Will plastered a smile on his face. "So. How was it?"

Simon shrugged as he pulled his wallet and keys from his pocket and placed them on the dresser. "Dunno. It was OK."

"What'd you do?"

"Had a coffee. Talked a little." He turned around, saw the fake smile on Will's face and he cocked his head. "My God, Will. Are you jealous?"

"What?" Will's voice rose an octave, a tell-tale sign he was lying. "Of course not."

"I didn't even kiss her," Simon assured him.

"Of course."

Simon sat on his bed, facing Will. "But I could have, right? We aren't boyfriends, you and I. We're just two friends who are...you know, messing about."

Will snorted, "I know." _Messing about?_

Simon nodded. "All right. Just making sure you're clear on that. Because this," he waved his hands between the two, "is a casual thing. I like making out with you, but as far as, like, a relationship goes, I'm looking for a girl. No offense."

"None taken," Will lied.

Simon stared at Will for a few moments, trying to get a read on him, before changing the subject. "Anyway, I think Carli was starved for attention. I haven't been paying much to her these past few weeks."

"But she didn't want a snog?" Will asked, keeping his voice even.

Simon shrugged again and leaned back on his hands. "I probably could have gotten a snog out of it," he admitted. "But I wanted to come back here more."

Will flushed, pleased.

"But we're still just friends," Simon reiterated.

"Sure," Will agreed, as he got up from his desk chair and made his way to Simon's bed. "Friends and roommates, and…." he interrupted his thought for a kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

On the summer holidays between years one and two, Simon and Will went to Crete with Jay and Neil. They kept their hands well off one another. Even after Simon and Jay fought, and Will had alone time with Simon, it was too risky, too _weird_ to even think about touching each other. Not that Will was feeling much like kissing Simon at the moment, the way he was continuing to moan about Carli.

And Simon's excitement to be kissed by Carli even though it was obvious to _everyone_ that she was using him to make her new asshole boyfriend jealous? That was more than Will could even bear. And it's not like Will didn't meet someone. Allison was cute and, despite his disastrous attempts at being even a little bit cool, actually seemed to like Will. And they snogged a bit. And when he got home, they even texted.

Still, she wasn't Simon.

A few days before term started, Will was in his room starting to pack for the new year at uni. He heard a knock on the door from downstairs, heard his mum answer it, and in a minute, Simon appeared at his bedroom door.

"Hey," Simon said.

"Hi." Will had all of his socks lying out and was matching them carefully.

"My parents bought me a new TV for the room. And they got me a new laptop." Simon's parents didn't like the idea of him and Will getting a flat, and were bribing him with new electronics to get him to stay another year in student housing.

"Nice quality?"

"The best," Simon said. "If they want me to stay in student housing one more year, I might get a brand new car out of it."

Will smiled. He was pretty sure Simon hadn't come over to talk about new TVs. Simon peeked out the door, saw the hallway empty and quietly closed and locked the door. He swept Will's socks off the bed, kicked off his shoes, and flopped himself on the bed.

"Come here," he commanded to Will.

Will grinned and kicked off his own shoes and practically jumped on top of Simon, kissing him deeply. It'd been weird, since they returned from their holiday. Simon had kind of ended up with Lucy, Will had kind of ended up with Allison, and neither was really sure that keeping on with their shagging would be considered cheating. Will had been waiting for Simon to make the first move.

And now that he had, Will and Simon wasted no time getting naked, and sucking each other off. This was Will's favorite, when they would suck each other's cocks in the sixty-nine position. Will on the bottom and Simon sitting astride his face, bent down with his mouth around Will's cock.

Simon came first - he always did in this position, because Will would swallow. But Simon couldn't (wouldn't?) bring himself to swallow, he said his gag reflex was too sensitive. So he'd come then finish Will off with just his hand and tongue. If it ever seemed unfair to Will, he never said anything. Besides, Will actually liked the taste of Simon's spunk.

Simon left shortly after that, promises of seeing Will in a few days when they'd move into their year two dormitory room. Will scooped up his socks and finished sorting and matching them.

"Will?" his mum called up the stairs to him, "Come have a cup of tea."

Will trotted down the stairs and met his mum in the kitchen. She handed him a mug and they sat at the table together. "I'm going to do some shopping," she began. "Do you need anything for school?"

"Just a few things," Will said, as his mum handed him a piece of paper and he began to write what he needed.

"I had another question for you," she said.

"Yeah?" Will asked, concentrating on the list, trying to decide if he really needed more socks.

"How long have you been sleeping with Simon?"

Will paused. His pen, hovering over top of the list paper, shook slightly. He looked up at his mum and was horrified to see that she looked equal parts amused and curious. "What!?" he asked. His voice, in his tell-tale sign of lying, raised an octave. "I don't know what you mean." He tried, failingly, to keep an ounce of dignity in his voice.

His mum rolled her eyes. "I'm not deaf, Will. And in case you've forgotten, the kitchen, where I've been for the past hour, is directly below your bedroom. I can hear the bed creaking and the other…" she blushed momentarily, "noises."

"Oh, Jesus Christ," Will stood up and started to walk away, running his fingers through his hair. He turned to his mum, "Couldn't you have just let it be? Did you have to _ask_ me about it?"

She looked surprised, "Will. I don't care that you're gay. I wish you could have told me."

"I'm not gay," Will insisted. His mum gave him a patronizing look. "I'm _not,_ " he repeated.

"Will, I heard you. It's obvious you are."

"No I'm not," He insisted.

"So what I heard wasn't you having sex with Simon?" She sounded skeptical.

Will paused. "Yes. I was, but that doesn't make me _gay_."

"Well, you'll have to explain, because that doesn't make any sense to me."

Will sat back down with the attitude of a five year old who'd been scolded for stealing the last cookie. "We're friends, Simon and I. We're friends who sometimes…." he drifted off and waved a hand vaguely toward the ceiling.

"That's still seems gay to me."

"We're not, like, 100% gay," he told her.

"Bisexual then?"

Will shifted uncomfortably. "I guess. I am anyway. I don't know really know _what_ Simon is."

Will's mum was quiet for a few moments. "How long has this been going on?"

"Since last…." Will had to stop to think. "November, I guess."

"And you haven't had a talk with Simon about how gay he is?"

Will gave his mother an exasperated look. "No. It's not like that, alright? We're just friends, they way we always were before, and we just sometimes do…" he hated using this word to his mum, "sex." He cringed. "He's still into girls, until a few weeks ago was still really into Carli."

"What about the girl you met in Crete?" she asked curiously.

This was too much for Will. He wasn't about to have a talk about his sexual (and some not-so-sexual) exploits with his mum. He stood up again, "This conversation's over," he announced.

"Will!" His mum sounded shocked.

"No. I'm an adult now, mum. I don't owe you an explanation of my relationships or who they're with or why I want to be with whom."

"I think it's a bad idea to be sleeping with your roommate and your oldest friend."

"Great. You think it's a bad idea. Your opinion has been noted, mum." Will turned back around to stalk away.

"Ah, don't be like this, Will," his mother begged.

Will turned back around, "You won't say anything to Simon's mum and dad?"

"Of course not!"

"Dad either? You won't tell him?"

"I won't. But Will, your dad loves you no matter what."

Will snorted, "We both know that's not true." And, without waiting for an answer from his mother, ran back up the stairs to finish packing.

"I can't believe you told your mum about us!" Simon said to Will. Will had told him what happened the second their parents left their dormitory room after dropping them off. They were slowly unpacking their clothes.

"I didn't _tell_ her. She heard us."

"Jesus, fuck. This is humiliating." Simon held his hands in front of his mouth.

"I guess we were too loud," Will said and Simon cringed. "Don't worry, she promised she wouldn't say anything to your mum and dad."

"God. _God._ I never thought of people finding out about this, you know? Like, we were careful the whole time in Crete and it was in your bloody bedroom we got found out?"

"We're in the dorms now," Will pointed out. "Only we have a key to our room. We're good now. Mum knows, but she's good for not telling anyone else."

"Does she think you're gay?"

Will cringed. "I told her I'm bisexual."

Simon nodded, looking unsurprised even though it was the first time Will had explicitly referred to himself as such. "Does she think I'm gay?"

Will studied Simon carefully, "I told her I wasn't sure exactly what you are."

Simon laughed dryly, "Maybe we should have asked her opinion," he said sarcastically. "I don't even know how to answer that to myself."

Will didn't know what to say to that, and after an awkward pause said, "You want to talk about it or something?"

"Not especially," Simon answered, but continued on anyway. "I'm not really interested in blokes. For the most part, anyway. I like what we're doing, but I think I like girls more. And I want to eventually end up with a girl."

Will couldn't be shocked about that. Simon had spent the last few months occasionally reminding Will that what they were doing wasn't _real_ , and that it wasn't going to last. And Will knew that he was way more into Simon than Simon was into him. He knew that eventually what they were doing was going to have to come to an end, and that _he_ was the one who'd end up being hurt.

Despite knowing all that, Will didn't feel in any way compelled to end it. Because he fucking loved making out with Simon. It was possible he loved Simon, but he couldn't even think about it. So instead of thinking in terms of loving Simon, he thought in terms of loving kissing Simon, of loving jerking Simon off, or sucking Simon's cock.

Their second year in uni started much the way the first year had gone. Simon and Will were best friends. They went to classes separately, but hung out together, ate meals together, roomed together, and went to the pub on weekends together. And, just like first year, they continued to secretly make out without letting anyone else know.

Towards the end of November, Jay and Neil announced they were coming overnight for a visit. Will groaned, "Honestly. I've had about enough of them."

"It's just one night," Simon said.

"I know. But I think I've outgrown anyone from Rudge Park."

"Uh?" Simon asked, a smirk on his face.

"Except you, of course," Will answered. "You don't call me bent."

"Even when my cock's in your mouth I don't," Simon joked.

Will had a plan to out himself as bi to Jay and Neil. But, for whatever reason, he felt as though he shouldn't tell Simon about it. He figured Simon would talk him out of it, and Will was pretty sure he didn't want to be talked out of it.

It took Jay exactly twenty-two minutes into his visit to call Will gay.

They'd begun drinking already, of course. Will found he needed to drink to deal with Jay anymore. Jay was telling a story that sounded basically like every other one of his stories. In other words, total bullshit about how many girls he's been shagging.

Will called him on it, "That's bullshit. We all know it's bullshit, right guys?" He looked around at Neil and Simon for agreement.

"Ah, let 'im have his stories, Will," Neil said. "It's all the poor bloke's got going for him, now e's working with his dad."

"They aren't stories," Jay insisted. "I'm up to _here_ in muff. Anyway, it only bothers Will because he's so bent and can't even get any decent cock."

"I'm not entirely bent, you know," Will answered.

"Not entirely bent," Jay said in a high-pitched mocking voice. "What's that even supposed to mean?"

Will caught Simon's eyes which were wide with shock. He couldn't believe Will was about to do this. For a moment, Will faltered. Maybe he shouldn't say anything after all. But it was only a moment, then he steeled himself and said "It means I'm not _entirely_ bent. Not entirely straight either, though."

Jay paused, his smile slowly fading from his face. "Nooo," he shook his head. "I wasn't really calling you bent," he explained. "I was just taking the piss."

Will shrugged like it was no big deal, but said with all the dignity he could muster, "You may have been just taking the piss, but still. I'm bisexual."

There was a moment's silence, and finally Jay started to laugh. "Shut it, Will. No you're not. You're just trying to make me feel bad."

"Trying to make _you_ feel bad?" Will said, disbelief in his voice. "I tell you I'm bi and you're worried that you calling me bent is making _you_ feel bad?"

"Well, when I thought you were straight, it was just a joke," Jay explained. "But since you're not straight, it's more like a hate-crime."

A moment's pause, where Simon and Will looked confused, staring at Jay blankly, but Neil looked like what Jay had said was totally logical. "That makes no bloody sense," Will said.

"Well, it's not a joke if you're not straight," Jay tried to explain again. "It's just cruel at that point, innit?"

Will closed his eyes momentarily and collected his thoughts. "Are you saying, all I had to do to get you to stop calling me gay all these years was to let you know that I'm not all straight."

"Yes!" Jay exclaimed, happy to be understood. "Now you've got it!"

"I'm not sure I do."

"Simon," Jay turned to Simon. "Did you know about this?"

Simon and Will's eyes met for a moment, Simon trying to determine from Will how he should answer this question. He sighed, "I live with him. Of course I knew it."

"Why, is he bringing home blokes to shag?" Neil asked.

"Nah," Jay cut in. "He's still Will, isn't he? He's not getting laid."

"There is one guy…" Will said.

"There's a guy?" Jay sounded intrigued. "That's odd, considering when you were only into girls there never was a girl."

"There was Allison," Will snapped. "But yeah, there's a guy here and we do stuff sometimes."

"You do stuff?" Neil asked.

"No details please," Jay said. "Right? The stuff is things I wouldn't want details of?"

"Yeah," Will nodded. "I'm not giving details."

There was an awkward silence where Will kept glancing at Simon, trying to get a read on his face, but Simon's face was set to a careful neutral. "So…." Jay said carefully. "Is he, like, a boyfriend?"

"No," Will said quickly. "No, not a boyfriend. He's just a guy I know who I, you know-"

"Shag." Neil supplied.

"Not even that," Will answered honestly. "We do things, but we haven't had a proper shag."

"Pathetic," Jay said. "You've just increased the number of potential people who'll lay you and you still aren't getting any?" He shook his head. "You _are_ still Will, aren't you?"

Will was so pleased that his coming out had gone this pleasantly, he couldn't even be bothered that Jay was picking on him over a complete lack of sex life now.

They toasted to Will's newfound sexuality, ignoring Will entirely when he mentioned it wasn't newfound to _him._ Then they went out to a party.

This party was being held at the house of one of Simon's classmates. They were studying marketing and advertising together, and she'd told him to come by that Saturday night for a party. She also happened to have a roommate, a guy studying biology, who was gay. And as soon as Jay found that out, he made it his mission to try to hook Will up with Devin, the Biology Major.

"You're friend is far too interested in us hooking up," Devin said to Will after Jay very unsubtly nudged them together for the fourth time.

"Sorry," Will took a sip of his beer. He was leaning his back against the wall, Devin standing next to him leaning on his elbow. "He only just found out earlier this evening I like blokes."

"Oh," Devin nodded knowingly. "Yeah, there's always the friend who goes out of their way to convince you they don't hate gay people."

"Well, in Jay's case, he'd just spent the last five years of my life making fun of me for being gay. Then when I told him I actually am bisexual, it was a one-eighty."

Devin laughed, and Will had to admit he was kind of cute. And he had a nice laugh. Plus, it was always nice to meet new people who had no idea that you'd once shat yourself while sitting for an exam.

They chatted for awhile, and Simon happened to be passing by them when Devin asked Will, "You want to come up to my room and hang out for a bit?"

"Er-" Will glanced at Simon, whose eyes were wide. Simon gave him an encouraging nod, and tilted his head toward the stairs and mouthed _go._ "Sure," Will answered.

Will followed Devin up the stairs and out of the noise of the party. Devin used a key to get into his bedroom, "Keeping the drunk people out," he explained.

He followed Devin in and looked around. The room was small, but was taken up mostly by a bed much larger than the ones he and Simon had in student housing. There was a small desk with a laptop and piles of papers and textbooks of a science-y nature, and a bookcase that held mostly clothes. The room was dim, lit only by a couple of strings of white Christmas lights.

"So," Will said, uncomfortable now because he was pretty sure he knew why Devin had asked him up here, but didn't want to _assume._

Devin had no qualms about assuming. He jumped on his bed, and said "C'mere."

Will toed out of his shoes and climbed gently on the bed next to Devin. Devin pulled him down for a deep kiss. It was...weird. Devin was such a different kisser than Simon. Simon was a soft patient kisser happy to let Will be more dominant. Devin had an urgency, a neediness about his kissing. And it didn't take long for Devin to start unbuttoning Will's shirt.

Will let him do it, and even enjoyed it. But in the back of his head he was wondering, why exactly was Simon so anxious for him to go get laid by someone else. What did that mean?

They were shirtless now, Devin lying on top of Will kissing from his neck down his chest and grinding his hips into Will's. Will gasped and thrust his pelvis into Devin's, trying to get as much friction.

Was Simon bored with him? Did Simon want to stop making out?

Devin unzipped Will's trousers and Will reached over to unzip Devin's. Devin had to roll off Will to get fully out of his trousers. After a moment's thought, he pulled off his underpants as well. Will followed suit and before long they were both completely naked.

Was Simon trying to hook up with a girl tonight? Is that why he wanted Will to go upstairs with Devin? It was fine if he was. They'd talked about it plenty. They weren't exclusive and Simon was never secretive about wanting to wind up with a girl.

Will shivered with delight as Devin ran his fingers down his sides, thumbs coming to a rest just inside his hip bones. Devin let his fingers on his right hand slide sideways and he cupped Will's balls carefully, before turning his hand and pressing the pad of his middle finger onto Will's taint.

Will gasped as he spread his legs further, trying to give Devin easier access to that sensitive spot. "You like that, huh?" Devin asked, pressing a little harder.

Simon would never do that, Will realized. Simon never wanted any part of himself to get too close to Will's arsehole, and never wanted Will to do it to him either.

Devin let his hands drift down, through Will's crack and come to a rest just at Will's entrance.

"I've never-" Will said, feeling embarrassed.

"You've never been with a guy?" Devin asked.

"I have. But we just did, like, hand and mouth stuff."

A slow smile spread across Devin's face, "So nothing like this then?" And he pressed his finger gently against Will's hole.

Will's eyes went wide and he instinctively bucked his hips up. "No," he panted. "Nothing like that."

Devin sat back on his haunches. "Well, we'll have to change this." He reached over and pulled a bottle of lube out of his desk drawer.

"I don't know if I'm ready for a full-on shag," Will said nervously. As much as he wanted a real shag from Simon, he really didn't think he'd like a stranger's cock in him.

"No worries," Devin said. "I'll just give you a little taste, yeah?"

They kissed some more, and Devin coated his fingers in the lube. He settled himself between Will's legs and pressed one well-lubed finger into Will. Not far, just up to the first knuckle. He moved it in and out slightly to give Will a chance to get used to the intrusion.

As Will started to relax and to move his hips to a rhythm, Devin added a second finger. Will closed his eyes tight. "You OK?" Devin asked.

"It's good," Will assured him. "It's just so much….feeling." He didn't even know if that made sense.

Devin didn't ask him to explain. He simply leaned down and took Will's cock in his mouth. The sensations of having his cock sucked while two fingers were in his arse was almost too much too soon for Will. His eyes opened wide and his breath caught, and he nearly came right then and there before taking a deep breath and willing himself to savor the feeling.

Devin worked himself into a perfect rhythm with Will's thrusts, taking nearly his whole cock while moving his fingers in and out. Will couldn't contain himself and he began moaning wantonly. "Oh God, oh God."

He liked Simon, but Simon had never coaxed sounds out of him quite like this.

Then Devin did something, Will wasn't even sure what, but his fingers moved a little and stroked something inside of him and Will absolutely saw stars. "I'm gonna come," he barely managed to rasp out, but rather than pull off, Devin took all of Will in and kept doing that stroke with his fingers.

Will gasped and cried out as he shot his load in Devin's mouth. Devin moaned happily as he swallowed Will's semen.

Will lay on the bed, knees flopped to the sides, breathing heavily, his arm draped over his face. He'd never come so hard before and he was having trouble getting his bearings. He whimpered a little as Devin slowly began to remove his fingers and pull his mouth off Will's spent cock.

Will was still a bit shaky and jelly-limbed as Devin leaned over him for a deep kiss. Will could taste his own come in Devin's mouth, but it didn't bother him. He kind of liked it.

Simon would never let Will kiss him after he came in Will's mouth.

As Will's mind cleared, he realized he needed to get Devin off, and reached down to grab his dick. "I'm so close already," Devin panted. "Just hearing the noises you made. God, Will."

Devin crawled up until he was straddling Will's face. Will opened his mouth and Devin slid his dick in. Will moaned around it.

Simon's cock was shorter, but had a greater girth than Devin's.

Will held tight onto Devin's hips and moved one hand around to cup his ass. Devin groaned, "Oh, this isn't gonna take long."

After a few more short thrusts Devin gasped, "I'm coming."

Will sealed his lips hard around Devin's cock, and grabbed hard onto his ass as Devin came in his mouth, wet and salty. It was bitter, but Will swallowed every bit of it.

Devin's thrusting slowed a little, until it stopped altogether and he slumped against his headboard for a moment before scooting down the bed and lying next to Will. They cuddled against each other for a few minutes, taking time for their breathing to even out. Finally Devin reached to the nightstand and grabbed Will's beer and handed it to him.

"Thanks," Will took a long pull from the beer, masking the taste of Devin's come in his mouth. Devin was doing the same with his own beer.

"You're pretty good at giving head for a bi guy," Devin said.

Will looked at him, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Devin shrugged, "Gay guys are usually better at it."

"That's a little insulting."

Devin laughed sarcastically, "Don't get all offended, Will. I've been with lots of guys, both gay and bi and I can tell you that gay guys usually give better head."

"What's lots of guys mean?"

Devin raised an eyebrow and cocked his head in Will's direction. "It means don't expect this to turn into anything but a shag, yeah?"

"I don't," Will answered. And honestly? He didn't. Devin had been a good lay, but all Will wanted to do was go home and talk to Simon about it.

"Sure," Devin said, like he didn't believe Will at all.

God, what an arrogant twat. Maybe Will shouldn't have been willing to jump in the sack with the first guy who showed an interest. He stood up and began getting dressed. "We should get back to the party," Will said.

Devin shrugged, but also started dressing himself. "Look," he said. "I didn't mean anything by what I said. You were awesome and if you ever want to do that again, or if you want a guy who'll give you assplay, I'm here for it."

"Noted," Will said.

They went down the stairs and went their separate ways. The party was still in full swing, the entire first floor was crowded and smoky. Will made his way through the crowd, finally spotting Neil and Jay talking to some girls who looked entirely too young to be at a party with university students. "You get your cock sucked?" Jay asked in way of greeting Will.

Will ignored him, "Hello," he said to the girls. "Where are your parents?"

The girls made a face at him, "Rude," one of them sniffed.

"You know they aren't any older than fifteen," Will said to Jay and Neil.

"She is, but I've just turned sixteen!" One of them said indignantly.

"Good for you, darling," Will said smiling patronizingly at her. "These two blokes are twenty and twenty-one."

"God, did that guy shove a stick up your arse, Will?" Jay asked.

"Where's Simon?"

"He went off with Carli," Neil answered.

"Thanks," Will answered and made his rounds again through the crowd looking for Simon. He found him eventually, in the walk-in pantry, lip-locked with Carli and his hand up her shirt. Simon didn't even notice Will opening the door. Will closed it and walked away.

He grabbed another drink and squeezed onto the sofa next to a couple of girls he recognized from around campus. They talked for a few awkward minutes about nothing important, friends they had in common, the weather, how gross the beer was.

Eventually, Simon came wandering into the living room, looking around. Will watched as he talked to Jay and Neil for a few moments and finally came over to Will.

"Want to get out of here?" he asked Will.

Will stood, "Yes," he said quickly.

Will and Simon made their way through the throng of people and out the front door. They stopped at the pub on the corner, much quieter and darker than the party, and had another drink.

"You and Carli, huh?" Will asked.

Simon looked down into his beer, pleased. "Maybe." He shrugged. "I was making out with her, got my hand into her bra and everything. But she was quite drunk and I didn't want to take advantage."

"So you put a stop to it?"

"I'm not _Jay_ ," Simon answered. "It's gross to have sex with a drunk girl."

For the most part, Will was able to keep his crush on Simon manageable. They were friends. Even when they were jerking each other off, they were friends first, always. But every now and then Simon would do something and Will's attraction to him would become large and all-consuming. Now was one of those times. And it's not like Will thought a guy should get brownie points for not fucking a drunk girl. That should be a given. It's just that Simon had been in love with Carli for so long, and he'd willingly taken a step back. And _God_ , Will just adored him for it.

They stayed a while longer at the pub, then made their way back to the dormitory. Where they were surprised to find Jay already there, nearly passed out on Simon's bed.

"The fuck are you doing in my bed?" Simon asked him nudging him in the side.

Jay waved him off, drunkenly. "Thanks to Will, the one girl I was trying to get with decided to go home."

"She was underaged," Will said, exasperated.

"Not by much. She was fifteen. Neil went home with her sixteen year old friend. But the fifteen year old heard Will's lecture and decided he might be right and she left me."

"Thank god for that," Simon said making a disgusted face.

"I'm not moving out of your bed," Jay warned. "And I think I might vomit."

Simon sighed and glanced at Will.

"Squeeze into bed with me," Will answered.

By the time Will and Simon had brushed their teeth and washed the grime of the party off their faces, and gotten pajamas on, Jay was sound asleep, snoring like a freight train.

Will got into the small bed first and Simon climbed in next to him and turned off the lamp next to the bed. They were silent for a moment when Simon whispered, "I'm disappointed Jay's here. I thought we'd have some alone time. You know, making out with Carli got me all worked up."

Will smiled to himself, "Be as quiet as you can," he warned and slipped his hand down and grabbed a hold of Simon's cock.

Simon made a small stacatto, "uh," before biting his lip to stay as silent as possible. In the next bed, Jay snored on. Simon pulled his pajama pants and boxer shorts down onto his thighs.

"What'd you do with that Devin guy?" Simon whispered, shifting his hips a little to give Will easier access.

Will gave Simon a few jerks and whispered back, "Why? You jealous?"

"Of course not." Simon's hips bucked instinctively. "You can shag whoever you want. I just want details."

"Hmm," Will said. "Well, Devin sucked me off with two fingers up my arsehole." Will could swear he felt Simon's hard cock twitch in his hand hearing that.

"Did you like it?"

Will jerked harder, faster. "Oh my god yes."

"Is he better than me?"

"He's a total twat, actually."

Will couldn't see Simon smile in the dark. In the next bed, Jay stopped snoring and shuffled around. Will stilled his hand and Simon brought his legs up a bit so his erection wasn't so obvious. It took Jay about twenty seconds to go back to snoring. They both relaxed and laughed a little, and Will continued jerking Simon off.

"Why's he a twat?"

"He's a gay guy who hates bi guys," Will whispered. His pace was now frantic. And he was starting to get hard himself.

Simon stopped talking, concentrating instead on the feel of Will jerking him off. That their actions were so clandestine, with Jay sleeping not ten feet away was such a turn on. It was almost embarrassing how quickly Will made him come, which he had to do while biting into the heel of his hand to keep quiet. He quietly grabbed some tissues out of the box on the nightstand and wiped himself up. When he was done, he grinned to himself when he realized Will had pulled his own pajama pants down and was masturbating next to him.

"Want me to do that for you?" Simon whispered putting his hands over Will's.

"Sure," Will answered, removing his hand and letting Simon take over.

"Didn't you just get off, like a couple hours ago?" Simon whispered.

"And getting you off turned me on," Will whispered back. "You should feel flattered."

"Oh, I do," Simon assured him. They were quiet for the next several minutes as Simon continued to jerk Will off. Jay managed to stay asleep the whole time. Will came quietly, but not silently as he let out a series of small grunts. Simon grabbed some tissues and let Will wipe himself up.

The bed was small, only a single, but it gave Will an excellent excuse to do what he'd wanted for a long time, but never wanted to ask. Fall asleep curled up next to Simon.

"What'd Carli say?" Will asked several days later. Carli had called Simon and asked to meet him for coffee. Will reigned in his jealousy for the thousandth time.

"She thanked me for being a gentleman at the party."

"Nice."

"And she reiterated that she thinks we should just stay friends."

"Sorry," Will said, not feeling very sorry at all.

"Don't be," Simon shook his head. "I don't think it's would have ever worked out with her, not after what happened in Crete. It's just, being at the same university and seeing her everyday always makes me think, you know. What if?"

"Yeah, well, now you can concentrate on other girls."

"Sure," Simon shrugged. "What about you? You said Allison's been texting you."

"We might get together over the winter holiday. Maybe summer, depending."

"That's good, right?"

"Sure," Will answered. "It was supposed to be a summer thing, but who knows?"

Will liked Allison. But he didn't feel very enthusiastic about seeing her. Really, if he was honest with himself, what he wanted was an actual relationship with Simon. It was stupid to even think it, because Simon had always been upfront and honest. From the first day they'd kissed, that they were just friends, and that no amount of snogging was ever going to change that.

And even though Will appreciated Simon's honesty, it didn't make it any easier a pill to swallow.

Still, Will may have been kind of in love with his best friend. But since he was 100% certain nothing was ever going to happen, he might as well keep his options open. Whether it was meeting up with Allison. Having another one-night stand (but definitely not with Devin again) or trying to meet someone new. It couldn't be a bad thing to try to find someone besides Simon.


	3. Chapter 3

Will spent the summer between year two and three working at a resort on the coast. The resort was owned by Devin's aunt and uncle. Despite thinking Devin was a twat of the highest order, Will actually had slept with him a couple more times in his second year even though he knew it wasn't the best idea. And when Will had mentioned that he didn't want to go home over the summer holidays because his mum was shacking up with Mr. Gilbert, of all fucking people, and his dad was still married to that absolute infant of a woman, Devin mentioned that his Aunt and Uncle owned the resort and were always hiring summer help.

So here he was, waiting tables in the run-down restaurant of a resort that had seen better days, and which seemed to appeal mostly to senior citizens and young families who couldn't afford to go to the continent for holiday.

The work was tiring, but he actually was making decent money. And the summer staff were given living quarters on the edge of the resort. It was a large dormitory style building cut in half - one side for the female employees and the other for the males. There were ten cots on each side with a small wardrobe, plus a bathroom with three shower stalls, toilets and urinals. The two sides were connected by a kitchen much too small for the twenty staff members.

It seemed that a lot of the staff worked there every summer, or had grown up in the area and already knew each other. Will was stiff and awkward, and he hated it when the other guys he worked with asked why he always wore button-up shirts and khakis, even on his days off. The girls who worked there weren't much better. They mostly seemed to want to sleep with his male co-workers, who all had shaggy hair, smoked too many cigarettes and had bad attitudes.

Several times the old ladies at the resort would show Will pictures of their adult granddaughters and pinch his cheeks, and tell him they wanted to set them up on a date. Will would always look at the pictures, declare the granddaughter "lovely" (even though they normally weren't), and take his big tip. His co-workers had overheard this a few times, and quickly nicknamed Will, "Lovely."

And, OK, Lovely was a much better nickname than anything he'd been given at Rudge Park. Better than Briefcase Wanker or Shit Pants. But still, he'd have preferred to be called Will.

Allison was planning a visit Will's third week at the resort. He'd asked for one extra evening off to take her out. The other summer staff members refused to believe Will had a girlfriend, but were shocked into silence when Allison, looking prettier than Will had even remembered, showed up. He held his elbow out for her, and she hooked her arm through his and they walked out together, Will with his head held high.

They had a fun night, going to the arcade and drinking at a local club. Allison had gotten a room at the resort for three nights, and Will stayed with her. It was there that he finally _finally_ officially lost his virginity.

It's not like he was completely inexperienced. He and Allison had gotten close to shagging the summer they were in Crete. And what Will had with Simon and Devin...well he didn't know if he could count it. It was mostly hand and mouth stuff. Still, he felt like even those experiences helped him be a little bit better at sex than most guys probably were by the time they lost their virginity.

Even though he wasn't very experienced with girls, Allison seemed to enjoy it. And, face it, Will was smart enough to have read up on it. Constantly. Since he was fifteen years old. He knew all about finding the clitoris and not relying solely on vaginal penetration for it to be good for her.

The second night, Will went down on a girl for the first time and he was certain that he'd made her come. She gave very good instructions on how to make a girl come by oral, all tips he'd filed away for future use.

The third, and final night she was there, they had sex before dinner. Then they went out to dinner and immediately back to her room where they had sex again.

The most amazing thing about it all, is that Will was thinking about Allison, _not Simon_ , while they were fucking.

"This has been amazing," Will said, leaning against the headboard and watching Allison walk naked around the room.

"It really has," Allison agreed. "Maybe I'll visit again later this summer?"

"That'd be brilliant," Will said. "I don't love hanging out with the other staff. They think I'm boring because all the old people here love me."

"Aw." Allison said, patting Will's face with a smile. "You do have a face and personality that old people love."

"I don't know if that's an insult," Will said, grabbing her fingers and kissing them.

"It's not," Allison assured him, climbing on the bed and straddling Will. "In fact, you seem so innocent I was kinda surprised how good you are at this whole sex thing."

"You think I don't have any experience?" Will asked, reaching up and massaging her tits.

"You didn't last summer," Allison said. "What'd you do in one year?"

"Got some experience," Will answered.

"Mmmm," Allison hummed into Will's mouth as they kissed. "Well, whoever she is, thank her for me."

Will leaned back, "It's...er...it's not she."

"What?" Allison asked, leaning back on her haunches. "What do you mean?"

"Well, my experience was with guys. Two of them, actually."

"You're gay?"

"Bi," Will answered.

Allison stared at him for a few moments, face showing disbelief. "Do you think maybe you should have told me this before we fucked?"

Will shrugged, "Why?"

"Because it's something people should know."

"I don't care who you've fucked," Will pointed out.

"Well, I haven't fucked any other girls," Allison said. She climbed off Will and was staring at him as though he was a hideous bug.

"And I wouldn't care if you had," Will pointed out. "I really don't see what the big deal is here."

"You're, like, half gay."

"Half-gay's not a thing," Will said. "I'm bisexual. And you're being, like, half-cunt right now."

"Fuck you!"

"Fine. You're being 100% cunt right now!"

Will stood up and began getting dressed.

"You can't just drop this news on a person."

"I didn't think it would be a big deal," Will said. "You homophobic twat."

"Don't play the homophobic card with me," Allison sneered. "You just corrected me that you _aren't_ gay."

"You're right," Will pulled up his trousers and buckled his belt with more vigor than was strictly necessary. "I guess that's biphobia. Either way, you're still a cunt."

"You can get right the fuck out," Allison said.

Will grabbed his shirt and shoes, "Fine," and he marched out of her room, slamming the door behind him. He had to sit on the deck in front of her room to pull his shoes on, then he slid his button-up shirt on, realizing he forgot to get his white undershirt out of her room. Fuck her, she could keep it. Will walked back to the staff quarters without even buttoning his shirt up.

He really didn't feel like talking to any of his co-workers, but they were sitting in a circle on the guys' side of the dormitory and smoking pot.

"Alright, Lovely? Thought you had your girl here," said one of the guys, Mitch. Mitch was tall and gangly and his brown hair was too long and always in his eyes.

"I do. I did," Will answered. He took the joint that was offered to him and took a hit. He normally didn't like pot, but he wanted to fucking fit in for once and even though he felt so different from the rest of his co-workers, he didn't think they'd give a shit about his sex life. He coughed as he exhaled the pot smoke and added angrily, "She broke things off tonight."

"She waited until the last night to break up with you?" One of the girls asked. Her name was either Jessie or Julie, Will could never remember.

"Believe me, it wasn't planned," Will mumbled as Julie-or-Jessie scooted over and made room for him to sit next to her.

"Did you fight?" She asked. The joint was making its way around the circle.

"Yeah," Will answered.

"'Bout what?" another girl asked.

Will was surprised they were so interested. "She was upset that I didn't tell her about my past sexual partners before we slept together."

"That's stupid," Mitch said lazily.

"My past partners were both guys," Will said honestly.

There was a long loud silence around the circle. The girl across the circle from Will was holding the joint loosely in her hands and it fell to the floor and she had to scurry to pick it up.

"Holy shit, mate," Mitch laughed, "Are you bi?"

"Yes," Will said, relieved that for once someone guessed he was bi, not gay.

"That's literally the most interesting thing about you, Lovely," Julie-or-Jessie pointed out.

"That's rude, Jessie," Mitch said. Jessie was her name, Will tried to remember it but the pot was starting to affect his brain. He felt lazy and open. He took another hit when the joint, now barely more than a centimeter long, was passed back his way.

Mitch turned to Will, "Every guy here except me and you is straight."

"So you two can go fuck," one of the girls laughed.

"I'm up for it if you are." Mitch said, looking at Will with slightly predatory eyes. "I think it'd be lovely."

"I slept with Allison twice tonight before she dumped me. So I'm good for now," Will said. He felt free and floaty, and didn't think he had the energy for any more sex.

The subject changed and Will leaned back on his elbows, watching the easy nature that his co-workers had with each other. He was trying his best to hide the fact that his feelings were really fucking hurt by Allison's words, and that he'd been on the verge of tears since he'd walked out of her room. But even so, he knew it was better that he'd been honest with her.

He was still feeling high and unfocused by the time everyone drifted off to bed. Will checked his cell phone. It was almost one in the morning. Simon was working at a cinema over the summer holidays and usually worked selling tickets for the midnight show, so he'd probably still be awake.

Will texted him:

 _Allison broke up with me._

It didn't take long for Simon to respond

 _Shit. I'm sorry. What happened?_

 _I told her I'm bi and she didn't take it well._

 _Srsly? What a cunt._

 _I called her that._

A few minutes went by before Will's phone buzzed

 _U OK?_

 _I dunno._

 _U need me and the lads to come stay at the resort for a few days? Cheer you up?_

Will smiled.

 _Thanks for the offer. Just come later this summer when you were planning._

 _Let me know. I hate the cinema and would love a reason to bugger off that job._

 _Nah, stay and earn money. I'll get over Allison._

 _You will. Seriously Will. Fuck her. Not literally._

 _I did, literally, fuck her. It was after we fucked that I told her I'd slept with two guys._

 _Well at least U got laid? :)_

 _I lost my official to-a-girl virginity._

 _Shit, that's big news. Congrats, How was it? Before she ditched you?_

Will held the phone to his face for a few minutes. He'd gone from feeling angry to feeling maudlin. He didn't know if it was the pot or having been dumped or his texts with Simon. His chest ached with how much he missed Simon. What he really wanted was Simon there with him physically. Not necessarily even to have sex with him, but to just _see_ him and talk to him face-to-face.

 _The sex was great. I went down on her too, and I definitely made her come._

 _Going down on girls is harder (ha ha) than guys._

 _Yeah._

There was another pause of a few minutes before Simon typed back.

 _Srsly. U OK? U seem down?_

 _I'm trying not to let it show how much it bothers me. I'm also super high right now._

 _Smoking pot? You have bad influences there :) Whats bothering U?_

 _I didn't really expect people to have a problem with me being bi. I didn't think I'd ever like a girl who was like that. She made me feel bad for being bi._

 _You know she's a cunt when she acts cuntier about it than Jay did._

 _Jay was weirdly great about it._

 _Yeah. I'm sorry, I feel real bad for U._

 _Have you told anyone about us?_

 _Never. R U offended?_

 _No._

 _Now I'm worried abt U._

 _No worries. Like I said, I'm super high right now. There's a gay guy who works here this summer. Maybe I'll get my dick sucked in these next few weeks._

 _Good luck w that. I'll do it for U when we get in our new flat. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)_

 _You're so romantic. I need to nod off._

 _Bye. And again, Fuck Allison._

Will was super not into Mitch, the tall bloke with the shaggy hair. He was absolutely not his type, and the more Will thought about it, the more he realized that his type was Simon. Still, that didn't stop Will from making out with Mitch a few times over the summer. After all, what was a summer holiday as a twenty-one year old for if it wasn't for getting your dick sucked by a guy you weren't super interested in?

The rest of the staff knew Mitch and Will were hooking up, but no one cared. They weren't boyfriends, not by a long shot. They didn't even get along that well because Mitch was a laid-back artistic pothead, and Will might have been getting laid a lot more recently, but he was still a stuffy university student studying Accounting.

It was a relief to Will when the guys came to visit him in August for a full week. Will couldn't get off work that week, but he did manage to snag a couple of evening shifts off.

"This place is dull as fuck," Jay complained. "All the women are old or new mums."

"Old ladies tip the best," Will pointed out. "I'm making decent money."

Will worked lunch shifts in the restaurant while the guys would hang out on the beach, or head to the arcade in the small town. Mostly though, they drank a lot. And the lads all agreed that Allison was a massive cunt. Jay, of all people, even began texting her to let her know how much of a cunt he thought she was. He texted her so often, she had to block his number. At which point, Simon took over, then Neil. And in turn, they each got their numbers blocked. By the time Will was going to text her, actually to apologize for the abuse being hurled her way by his mates, she'd pre-emptively blocked his number as well. So much for that.

The last night there, Jay and Neil had passed out before midnight, and Simon and Will went to into the water. It was frigid and they went only up to their ankles. But it was nice to have this alone time with Simon. They talked about their summers, their plans for the flat they were sharing when the school year started. And Will, for whatever reason, got his hopes up because Simon was holding his hand while they talked. They didn't even make out, just shared a fairly chaste kiss in the moonlit water.

It was enough for Will. He couldn't wait to start their third year together.

Will and Simon's flat was small. It had a kitchen about the size of a postage stamp, and a living space that barely fit a couch and television, a bathroom that had no extra space. There were two bedrooms, and though they were small, it would be the first time in two years that they wouldn't be sharing sleeping space.

After leaving the resort, Will spent three uncomfortable days at his mother's house. It was uncomfortable because his mother and Mr. Gilbert were still seeing each other, and Mr. Gilbert (and no matter how many times Will's mum said he could, Will absolutely refused to call him Phil) spent his entire time scowling at Will. Will never could figure out what was behind the scowl, and figured it must have been his very existence. Also, at one point Simon had come over and by the way Mr. Gilbert looked at them, Will could tell that his mother had told the man that Simon and Will were sleeping together.

They argued the entire drive from Will's mum's house to his new flat near the University. "I don't see why you can't just give him a chance," she complained.

"He's a monster," Will said, exasperated. "He was an awful headmaster and I was treated like shit at Rudge Park and he did fuckall about it."

"Well, caring for teenagers isn't easy, Will."

"Yes. I'm sure caring about actual people is fucking difficult for a vile cunt like Mr. Gilbert."

"Don't you dare call him that!"

"Don't you dare tell him I'm bisexual."

Will's mother didn't say anything for a moment, she just gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. "I shouldn't have told him," she admitted.

"Jesus." Will crossed his arms and stared angrily out the window. "He spent the last few day glaring at me. He _hates_ me and you don't even care."

"Of course I care."

Will shook his head. "This is such bullshit. Way to go, mum. Dad marries a woman my age, and you date a man who hates me because of my sexuality."

"He doesn't hate you," she said, a pleading tone in her voice.

"He hates me. He hated me when I was in his school, and he hates me now. And he hates Simon, presumably because you also told him that Simon and I are sleeping together."

"Well, he agrees with me that's a bad idea."

"Oh my god," Will said. He was silent for a very long time.

"Will-" his mother plead.

"I'm not even talking to you right now."

All in all, it was a supremely shitty way to welcome himself to his third year in school. Simon, who had his own car, had driven himself to the flat, and was already there when Will pulled up with his mother. The three of them emptied the car, Simon looking bewildered at the tense silence between Will and his mum.

She left, giving Will a brief hug and a soft, "I love you."

Will grunted in return.

"What the hell was that about?" Simon asked as he shut the door behind her.

"We got in an argument," Will said, as he took a few steps toward Simon and pulled him in for a crushing kiss.

Simon kissed back enthusiastically before pulling back, "Want to talk about it?"

"No," Will said defiantly. "I want to do this." He kissed Simon again, this time pushing him toward the couch while unbuttoning his pants.

Simon hummed appreciatively, and helped by pulling his trousers and underpants off right before Will pushed him onto the couch. Simon flopped back and stroked his penis into an erection as he watched Will remove his pants. Will was already hard. He straddled Simon's lap, kissing him deeply. Will gave a few thrusts against Simon's pelvis, and before long, they were frotting frantically.

Will reached between them and grabbed both of their cocks with the same hand and began stroking them together.

"Jesus," Simon whispered, letting his head fall back and his eyes roll into the back of his head. "Oh my God, Will."

Will determinedly kept up a brutal rhythm, faster than Simon would have wanted, but it was angry and passionate. Simon reached around and grabbed Will's ass to get leverage as he thrust into Will's hand, keeping up the punishing rate.

Will leaned in for a kiss, but both of them were moaning so deeply, breathing so hard, that they were more just keeping their open mouths next to each other.

"Fuck, Will," Simon gasped. "I'm gonna come."

"Do it," Will commanded, and Simon did with a high-pitched whine coming from the back of his throat. He hadn't realized he was doing it, but as he came, he tightened his grip on Will's ass, leaving bruising finger-marks on Will's asscheeks. Will liked it though, and it helped push him over the edge, as he came pearly and white all over his hands. Will's hand was slicked with their mixed come, which he used to lube up their dicks as he continued to slowly stroke them as they caught their breaths.

"God," Simon said as Will got off him and flopped next to him on the couch. Will picked up his boxers and wiped the come off his hands, before handing the boxers to Simon, who tried to use them to wipe up his shirt (because neither one had even removed their shirts before starting), but all he'd been able to do was smear it around. He gave up and pulled his shirt over his head instead. "You alright?" he asked Will, who was somehow looking very satisfied and grumpy at the same time.

Will rubbed his face with his hands, "I'm fine," he said. "Just this argument with my mum."

"Ahh," Simon said dismissively. He picked up Will's hand and kissed his fingertips. "Fuck her. We're here now, you don't need to worry about her."

"You know what?" Will said. "You're absolutely right." He stood up, looking determined to not think of his mother. "I'm famished. Let's eat and unpack."

"Holy shit, Will. I've bruised your arse," Simon laughed.

"What?" Will asked, trying to twist around to see his own backside.

"Here," Simon said, running his fingers over Will's cheeks where the bruises were, "And here. I was holding and squeezing you when I came, and I bruised you."

Will looked at him eyes widened with surprise and Simon was caught off guard by the dilated pupils behind Will's glasses. "I'm sorry," Simon apologized.

"Don't be," Will said. "I think it's incredibly sexy. I know you don't want to do butt stuff, but I quite like it, and if this is what you're willing to do, then…"

Simon kissed Will's lips quickly. "Maybe I'll do it again then."

"I'd like that," Will said, seriously.

They both pulled on clean pants, and worked together to cobble together a small meal out of the little bit of food they'd managed to sneak from both their parents' houses.

Living with Simon in a flat turned out to be quite different than living in a small room in student housing. For one thing, by not living right on top one another they spent a lot less time, well, on top one another. Not that they weren't still sleeping together. They were, it just wasn't a near-nightly occurrence anymore now that they had their own separate bedrooms.

But it was different in another way in that their friendship took on a bit of a domestic quality. They often cooked together at dinner time. When one was heading to the laundrette, he would offer to take the clothes of the other. Will even drew up a cleaning schedule, which Simon definitely made fun of, but usually stuck to without complaining.

There was a girl Simon met through a classmate and he'd gone out on a couple of dates with her. Her name was Dana. Will plastered his fake smile on his face, and encouraged Simon to sleep with Dana even though it killed him to think about. Whether or not Simon actually was sleeping with her, or even in an exclusive relationship with her, Will never really knew. Because Simon never stopped sleeping with Will, and eventually Dana seemed to just fade into the background.

It was in their second semester that Will met someone. He was happy pretending to be Simon's secret boyfriend, so he wasn't out looking to meet someone.

But Sarah McKenzie appeared in his class one day, and they bonded over having the same last name. Will used that coincidence to nervously ask Sarah to get a coffee after class, which she agreed (also nervously) to. Will couldn't believe Sarah was nervous, she was pretty. She looked to be biracial, with a lot of curly hair pulled back kind of sloppily in a headband. She a crooked front tooth, and dark framed glasses that covered half her face, which looked charming not weird. So did her slightly mismatched clothes, holey denims under a flowy patchwork dress and bright pink Chuck Taylors.

They went to a coffee shop round the corner from their class building, where Will discovered he had a lot more in common with Sarah than their last name.

For one thing, she carried a _briefcase._ And it was perfectly organized on the inside, just like Will's own briefcase. And she'd been teased for her briefcase in secondary school also.

They talked for a long time. Will told her about Simon (well,not _all_ about Simon, just that he lived with his best friend) and about his mum and dad. Another thing they had in common was that Sarah's dad had left and had a much younger wife too.

But when he got home that evening, Simon had already started making dinner, and Will found he felt funny about telling Simon about meeting Sarah. "I went for coffee with a girl from one of my classes today," he said, as they sat down to eat the meal (really just boxed macaroni and cheese with nuked chicken nuggets) Simon had prepared.

"Oh yeah?" Simon asked. "What's she like?"

"Her name's Sarah McKenzie. We have the same last name, and very similar briefcases."

"Did you go on a date with a female you?" Simon asked.

"I suppose. I don't know it was really a _date._ "

"Did you like her? Want to see her again?"

"Yes," Will admitted.

"That's great," Simon said. He sounded genuine. Will hated how genuine Simon sounded. Just once he'd like to think that Simon had even the tiniest bit of jealousy about Will seeing other people. But it never seemed to be there. "You should ask her out."

"Maybe," Will shrugged. "I don't know about starting a relationship."

"Why not?" Simon asked. "Not because of me, is it?"

"No," Will lied through his teeth. "Course not."

Simon looked at Will critically for a few moments, trying to assess whether he was lying. Will was a terrible liar and he knew it. He could tell Simon didn't believe him. He was relieved when Simon simply nodded, and said "Yeah, alright."

Will didn't need to ask Sarah out, because she asked him again the next time they were in class. They went to the same coffee place, but after they finished their drinks, she came back to the flat with Will. Simon was just getting in from his last afternoon class, and Will introduced them.

Sarah looked around the flat, and nodded approvingly at Will's cleaning chart. "I probably would have color-coded it," she said. Simon laughed out loud, and looked absolutely delighted.

"Did you two meet in student housing?" Sarah asked them.

"We were in sixth form," Simon answered, "Then came to uni together."

"What school?"

"Rudge Park," Simon said. "It's a local comprehensive."

"Oh," Sarah sounded surprised. "Will seems like he went to a private school."

"I did until sixth form," Will explained.

"That's why he's got the poshy accent and the briefcase," Simon said. Will made a face at him.

"I have a briefcase," Sarah pointed out.

"Right, yeah." Simon said, blushing. "Nothing wrong with a briefcase I suppose."

There was an awkward silence and Simon said, "Yeah, I think I'm going to head out. Meet some mates for a pizza for dinner. So," he gave an awkward wave and headed back out the door.

They watched him leave, but the silence stayed. Finally, Will said "I can make us some food? If you're hungry?"

"No. I ate before our class."

"Oh. Well, OK. Do you want to see the rest of the flat?"

"Sure."

"It's not very big," Will said. "We're in the kitchen and that's the living room," Will pointed to the living room. He lead her down the short hall, "My bedroom on the left, Si's on the right. Bathroom at the end."

"It's nice," Sarah answered. "I'm on campus still, so it seems huge to me."

"Simon and I roomed together on campus for two years." Will said.

"He seems...nice."

"He didn't really mean anything by the briefcase remark," Will said. "He's just taking the piss. You know, that's how we are with each other."

Sarah twirled a bit of her hair, and Will realized she was nervous. "Um, should we go out and do something?"

"I was going to kiss you," she said honestly, "But I'm not sure how you'd take it?"

Will's eyes widened, "I'd actually like that."

It was the first time Will had ever kissed anyone so much shorter than himself. It was weird, but still good. Sarah couldn't have been a more different kisser from Simon. _God,_ why was he always comparing everyone's kissing style to Simon's?

Sarah pulled out of the kiss first. She was smiling. "That was good."

"Yeah," Will agreed. "Do you want to, uh..?" he tilted his head toward the bedroom. As soon as he'd done it, he realized he was being way too forward. "We don't have to," he added quickly.

"Let's not go there quite yet," Sarah answered.

"Right. Living room then," he said.

"I've actually got a study group soon. So maybe I should just go?"

"Right, yeah." Will agreed. He walked her to the front door, and gave her another kiss before she left. He closed the door behind her and leaned his head against it. He liked this girl. He really would have slept with her if she'd wanted. And he definitely wanted to see her again.

He pulled out his phone and texted Simon.

 _She's gone. You didn't really have to leave._

A response came almost immediately.

 _Wanted to give u guys space. home in a few. Start dinner._

Will smiled as he read the text, and went to the kitchen and pulled out a box of pasta and a jar of sauce to start some dinner for him and Simon.

Will continued to see Sarah over the next few weeks, and he had to admit, he liked her nearly as much as he liked Simon. And considering an actual real relationship with Simon could never happen, he thought maybe he should give Sarah a chance.

Sarah, it turned out, was every bit as inexperienced as Will himself had been a couple of years ago. They were quietly making out in his bed one evening, Will struggling to unhook Sarah's bra. Why were those things so complicated? After a few minutes of fumbling with it, Sarah sat up and reached one hand back and had her bra unhooked in less than a second.

She pulled her arms out and Will sat back to look at Sarah's naked torso. She was a short, thin, woman and her breasts were small and beautiful and perfect. Will took one in his hand and kissed it. "Will?" Sarah said.

"Hmm?"

"Just so you know, I'm a virgin."

Will looked up and kissed her on the mouth, "That's fine. We can go slow." He leaned in for another kiss and had a sudden flashback to Allison at the resort the summer before. He fell back again. "As long as we're being honest…." he started.

"It's fine that you're not a virgin," Sarah said quickly. "I wouldn't expect you to be."

"Well, there was a girl last summer who dumped me because of my past," his voice faltered because he liked Sarah a _lot_ more than he'd ever liked Allison and it would have killed him even more for her to walk out on him.

"Should I be concerned?" Sarah asked with a nervous giggle.

"I've slept with other guys."

"Oh!" Sarah sounded genuinely surprised. "Were you just curious or-"

"I'm bi," Will said.

"Well, that's fine," Sarah said, sounding relieved. "I don't know what I was expecting, but it's fine. I don't care."

Will let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. "Great," he said.

"Are you, like, currently sleeping with anyone else? Guy or girl?"

It'd been two days since he and Simon had last hooked up, Simon lubing up Will's thighs which were clamped tight, and thrusting between them. "No," Will lied. "Not in a while at least."

"Because if we do this, I want to be exclusive," Sarah said.

"Of course," Will answered. This could force him to get over Simonl.

Sarah lay back down, pulled down her skirt and panties and let her legs spread. Will shucked his own trousers and boxers and lay down on top of her between her legs.

They kissed while Will reached between her legs and thumbed her clitoris. Sarah reached down and gave a few tugs on his erection, but she kept losing rhythm, concentrating on what Will was doing, and she gave a small gasp of pleasure when Will slipped a finger inside her.

The one thing Allison had taught him was to stroke the front wall of the vagina. There was a rougher spot there that was, Allison said, a secret pleasure zone. Allison may have been a total bitch, but it was worth it to have learned that secret, Sarah was writhing below him.

"I could probably come like this," she said in a strained voice.

"You want me to?"

"No. I want you to fuck me," she answered.

Will removed his fingers, and Sarah whined a bit. He leaned over and opened his nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom, ripped it open with his teeth, and rolled it on. He settled himself between her legs, "OK?" he asked.

"I've heard it hurts," she admitted. "I'm expecting that."

"I'll be gentle," Will said. "And here," he reached into the nightstand again, "I have lube if you need it."

He reached down and stroked her clit a few times, and dipped his fingers into the depths of her vagina and used her natural lubricant to lube the entrance. He settled once again between her legs and set the tip of his penis right at her entrance, and slowly began pushing in.

She gasped and cringed. "Do I need to stop?" Will asked.

"No," she said with urgency. "I want to get this over with."

It wasn't very romantic, but then his first times had been a little sloppy too. Will pulled out and added some lube to his hands and gave his dick a few wanks to make it slicker. "This should help." He settled back down and again entered her.

This time she gave a sigh, "That's better."

Will slowly pushed until he was all the way in. He felt like he was about to explode, but he wanted to make this good for her and thought about the least sexy thing he could think of - their Accounting professor droning on about tax laws. He thrust in and out, and as he continued, he could feel her shoulders and body relax under him.

Sarah began lifting her hips in the same rhythm and Will leaned down to kiss her. He loved the feeling of his dick being in the center of her tight warmth and he knew he wasn't going to last long. "I think I'm going to come," he whispered.

"Do it," she said. He thrust harder, making Sarah gasp. It took less than twenty more seconds for him to come with a low moan. He slowed down and finally stopped, grasping the bottom of the condom and pulled out. He rolled the condom off, tied it off and tossed it in the wastebin.

He cuddled in next to Sarah and kissed her shoulder, "I'm sorry you didn't come."

She shrugged, "I wasn't expecting it, honestly. Girls never come their first few times."

"That's so unfair."

She laughed a little, "It is, innit?

He reached down and massaged high on her inner thigh. "I could go down on you and you will."

Sarah patted Will gently on his head, running her fingers through his hair. "It's a lovely offer, but I'm a little sore. Maybe next time."

"Yeah," Will agreed, and he pulled her in for a kiss.

Later that night, Simon climbed into bed with Will, and Will had to break the news to him. "Sorry, mate. Sarah and I decided to be exclusive."

"Seriously?" Simon asked.

"I took her virginity right here in this bed not four hours ago," Will bragged.

"Holy shit, Will. That's awesome. I'm really happy for you."

Simon leaned in for a kiss, and Will pushed him away by his face laughing. "That means no kissing other people."

"What? Even me?" Simon said, laughing with fake offense.

"Even you," Will said. "This is what you said, right? We were just friends who were messing about. And now I'm not on the messing about market."

"Of course we're still friends," Simon said, pulling himself out of Will's bed. He leaned down and planted a platonic kiss on the top of Will's head. "And as a friend, I'm happy for you. And as a friend I'm telling you I'm off to wank myself in my bedroom."

"Have fun with that!" Will called. He may have just gotten laid by a girl he really liked just a few hours ago, but it still had taken a lot of self-control to turn Simon down.

Simon closed his bedroom door and leaned against it. God, he hoped he was a good actor, because he hadn't really expected Will getting a girlfriend to make him feel so….weird. Simon closed his eyes as he pulled his dick out and started wanking, imagining Will was there on his knees in front of him. Imagining Will sucking his dick and grabbing his ass so hard it bruised him this time.

He didn't hold back and his head fell back on the door with a dull thud as he came hard, semen spurting all over the wood floor in his bedroom.

Fuck. He just realized why he felt so weird. He was _jealous._

That hadn't been part of his plan, ever.

Fuck.

"Now this is much better than that horrible dorm room," Jay said appreciatively, looking around Will and Simon's apartment.

"The couch pulls out," Simon pointed out.

"So do I," Jay said. "When I'm fucking your mum."

"Where's Will?" Neil asked.

"Getting his girlfriend," Simon answered with a sigh.

"No shit?" Jay asked. "He's got a girlfriend? This one doesn't mind he also likes cock?"

"She's fine with it," Simon said dully. "As long as he's not getting any cock on the side."

"Is she fit?"

Simon shrugged, "I dunno. She's OK I guess. You know, it's Will. He's not exactly going to bring home a super model, right?"

Simon hated these questions. Because he didn't always behave very well in front of Sarah, and he couldn't make himself stop. When Sarah was around, he found himself taking the piss out out of Will, almost like he had at Rudge Park. Calling him Briefcase Wanker, or saying his hair was daft and gay. Or joking about how fit Will's mum is.

Simon could see how uncomfortable Will was whenever he felt like he had to take Sarah's or Simon's side. He rarely took Simon's.

He didn't think Sarah liked him very much. Hell, he didn't like himself when Sarah was around. He made himself a promise at that moment, to chill out. To treat her better. He was always making this promise to himself it seemed, and it rarely stuck.

Jay pulled out his usual obscene amount of liquor and the guys sat in the living room, starting to drink. Shortly after, Will and Sarah walked in, carry bags of Chinese takeaway.

"Hi," Will said. Simon couldn't help noticing that with Sarah there, Will seemed much less aggravated by Jay and Neil's presence. "Guys, this is Sarah. Sarah, that's Neil and that's Jay."

Sarah held her hand up in an awkward half-hearted wave. She was wearing that daft patchwork dress with pink leggings. Why did she always dress like such a clown, Simon wondered.

"My god, Will," Jay said. "How'd a poshy wanker like you end up with such a pretty girl?"

Sarah laughed a little and ducked her head. Even Will laughed a little and shrugged, "I got very lucky."

"Sarah carries a briefcase," Simon announced. Everyone looked at him like they weren't sure why he was saying it, and he knew it'd sounded rude. "I just mean, like she and Will are a lot alike. I mean, not that Sarah's a poshy wanker like Will is. I mean," he paused. "You know what, I'll shut up now."

"I bet it's cute when you carry a briefcase though," Neil said.

"Oh my god," Simon said. "These two arseholes are not actually this charming, Sarah. Don't let them fool you." Jesus Christ, was the whole world against him? Now Jay and Neil ( _Jay and Neil,_ of all people) were making him look like the arse.

"None of them are charming at all," Will agreed with Simon. "They're putting a show on for you."

"I can be very charming when I want to," Jay said. "Just ask Will's mum."

"And there it is," Will said, not sounding bothered at all. "You want my mum, you've got to get in line behind Mr. Gilbert."

All the guys made the same disgusted face, "What's she doing with a tit like that?" Jay asked. Then he looked at Sarah and said with a fake sweet voice, "My apologies for the language."

"I wouldn't know what she's doing with him anyway," Will said. "I haven't talked to her in months."

"Jesus Will," Neil said. "You should talk to her. She's your hot mum."

"She's not hot to me," Will said. "Can we not talk about her?"

"Fine," Jay said. "Have a drink." He went to the kitchen and made Will and Sarah each a vodka and cranberry juice. It was mostly vodka.

They ate the Chinese food and drank their vodkas, while the lads talked and embarrassed Will completely in front of Sarah. They were kind enough to not talk about him shitting his pants at exam time, but they did make sure to talk about the day he told the bartender that everyone in his pub was underaged, getting his shoes stolen by a gang of eight year olds at caravan club, and his terrible Yoda impressions to impress girls.

"I'd have fallen for a Yoda impression," Sarah said, patting Will on the knee.

"Yeah, well. I learnt my lesson eventually and there's a reason I haven't done it."

Sarah put on a fake Yoda voice, "For me you will do it, will you?"

Will giggled, "Oh my god, that's hot," he said and he leaned in for a kiss.

Jay and Neil whooped with appreciation. Simon had tried to keep his mouth shut, but in his buzzed state, let out a "Jesus," with an eyeroll.

Will pulled out of the kiss and gave Simon a look that was part confusion, part hurt.

After a while, Jay, Neil and Simon left to go to a party. "We might meet you there later," Will said. He wanted some alone time with Sarah, but he also wanted some space from Simon. What was Simon's fucking problem? God, Will hoped Simon could get laid tonight. He'd been acting like such a twat since they'd stopped "messing around" a couple months earlier.

On the way to the party, Jay and Neil turned on Simon, "Why don't you like Sarah?"

"Who said I don't like Sarah?"

"You're fucking transparent, mate." Jay laughed. "You made that shitty comment about the briefcase-"

"What?" Simon said, incredulous. "You arseholes are the ones who used to call Will Briefcase Wanker, in case your forgot. Why's it a shitty comment for me but not you?"

"Because Sarah's a girl, and in case you hadn't noticed, she's a good match with Will."

Simon tensed. How the fuck was Jay becoming mature? He was right though, because Sarah _was_ a good match for Will. And Will deserved someone who he could be in a real relationship with. Someone like Sarah. Simon couldn't provide that for Will. No way in hell he'd ever be comfortable being in an out relationship with another man. Not in a million years. All he could ever offer Will would be secretive blowjobs, and kisses before bed, and making dinner together in the privacy of their own apartment.

"I can hear Will and Sarah fucking through the walls, OK? I haven't gotten laid in I don't know how long. I'm just frustrated."

"We'll be your wingmen tonight," Neil said.

"Operation get Simon laid," Jay laughed.

"Please. You'll spot the girls and try to get them yourselves."

Jay and Neil just laughed, but Simon noticed they didn't try to deny it.

The party was extremely loud and rowdy.

Simon was drunk, but not so drunk he didn't know exactly what he was doing when he went home with Devin where they sucked each other off. Twice.

Simon didn't tell Will about Devin. Not immediately anyway. And he made Devin swear not to tell anyone what they'd done. Devin made some kind of scathing remark about straight boys, which Simon didn't even notice or care about.

Simon decided as he walked back to the flat at three in the morning, to redouble his efforts to be nicer to Sarah and Will. Will was only doing what Simon had said, treating him like a _friend._ It wasn't Will's fault, and it certainly wasn't Sarah's, that Simon was an emotional wreck over his best friend.

He got into the flat and saw the pull-out couch empty. Perhaps Jay and Neil had managed to go home with some girls after all. Will's bedroom door was shut and it was quiet in there. Simon knew Sarah was in there with him, he'd seen her handbag on the kitchen counter.

Simon went to the bathroom where he peed and washed his face. Then he shut himself in his bedroom, locked the door, and pulled out his laptop. He looked at the straightest porn he could find, and got only more frustrated when he couldn't even get hard. Then made himself feel slightly better by reminding himself he'd already come twice that night, so that's why he couldn't get it up. It had nothing to do with the girls on the screen.

Simon was definitely taking his bad mood out on Will. Will noticed it, and even though he'd asked several times "What the fuck is your problem?"

Simon would always answer, "Nothing. _God."_

Will decided Simon was having some kind of second adolescence. This had to be what it was like for parents to have a moody teenager, right? Will knew he hadn't done anything. He'd done exactly what Simon had wanted - had gone back to being friends when they couldn't shag anymore.

And Sarah? She was nice as hell to Simon even when he didn't deserve it. Sarah knew that Simon had befriended Will when no one else would. She knew that Simon didn't usually act like such a wanker. In Sarah's mind, Simon was a little jealous that she was taking up Will's time, and she was perfectly willing to be patient with him, at least for Will's sake.

Shortly before the summer holidays, things came to a head between Will and Simon. Simon had walked in one day and Sarah was lying on the couch, under a blanket. Simon could see she was wearing a yellow tanktop. Will was in the kitchen, wiping the counters, even though it was Simon's turn according to Will's cleaning schedule.

Simon really felt like sitting in the living room and actually having a fucking conversation about his day with his roommate, but he couldn't. Because she was there, taking up the whole fucking couch in her stupid yellow tanktop. Simon shut himself in his room.

A little later, Simon heard her leave, and he stepped back into the living room, where Will was reading a textbook, pink highlighter in his mouth.

"Did you fuck her on my couch?" Simon asked, rudely.

Will looked up, shock on his face, "What the _fuck_ , Si?"

"This is my couch too you know," Simon argued. "I don't want you fucking her on it."

"OK, Well, I didn't fuck her on the couch," Will said. "Not that it'd be any of your business if I did."

"She was all stretched out on it," Simon said. "When I got in. Didn't even move or offer me a seat."

"She's on the rag. I told her to have a lie-down and I got her a hot water bottle for her cramps."

"Oh, God. Of course you did. You're the perfect fucking boyfriend," Simon said sarcastically.

"I'm fucking trying to be," Will spat at him. "More than I can say for you, mooning around here like a sad fucking twelve year old girl. What's your fucking problem?" He asked for the thousandth time.

"Nothing," Simon answered as he always did. " _God._ "

"Stop telling me nothing's wrong when I can tell something well fucking is!" Will shouted.

Simon glared, "It's not easy, seeing you be this perfect fucking boyfriend and seeing you and Sarah be so nauseatingly cute together. Jesus, Will. You got her a hot water bottle for menstrual cramps. That's, like, Hollywood Romance cloying."

"I'm so sorry my girlfriend's menstrual cycle is too Hollywood for you. What the _fuck_ , Si? That doesn't even make sense."

"I just can't stand seeing you guys being so….. Ugh. You don't even understand."

"No, I get it," Will said, standing up and snapping his book shut. "I get it perfectly. _You're_ the one who reminded me that we were just friends even when we were shagging. Sometimes on this very couch you're now so concerned about. But now that I'm unavailable, you want to make me feel bad? Fuck off, mate. Go get your cock wet and stop taking it out on me and Sarah."

Will passed by Simon on his way to his bedroom, bumping his shoulder hard. Simon pushed him back.

"I'm not fighting you," Will said. "I just want to get the fuck away from you."

Simon sat down hard on the couch and rubbed his face with his hands. Jesus, Will thought his problem is that he wasn't getting laid. Will honestly had no fucking clue that Simon's problem was that it was only Will he wanted to get laid by.

Will stayed well away from Simon for the next several days, choosing to sleep mostly in Sarah's room.

Simon felt terrible about how he'd reacted. He really needed to get his shit together. Will had been absolutely right, Simon was acting like a twelve year old girl in his jealousy. And if he was right about that, maybe he was right about Simon needing to get laid.

So that's what he did. He went to a bar that Friday night and flirted his ass off until he found a girl who was willing. He went to her place, fucked her, and left at six the next morning. He didn't even remember her name.

Still, it actually did make him feel marginally better. He hadn't tried to get off, not even by wanking, since the night he'd slept with Devin and then failed to get hard to straight porn. So knowing his dick still worked for a girl helped a lot with his mood.

He texted Will.

 _I'm sorry. I acted like a twat._

It was more than an hour before Will responded.

 _Yes, you fucking did._

 _I'm sorry. Please, just come home._

Again there was a long pause in response. Simon imagined Will trying to figure out what to even say to him. Finally a response came through.

 _I'll be home for lunch. We can talk then._

Simon cleaned up for Will. He did all the chores listed on the Will's stupid chore sheet, whether they needed to be done or not.

As soon as Will walked in Simon didn't even give him a chance to settle in. "You were right, I was acting like a twat. And I think I just needed to get laid, and get over the fact that you are and I'm not."

"Really?" Will asked. "Just like that?"

"Just like that."

Will shrugged, "Yeah. All right. So you went out and got laid?"

"Last night," Simon answered. "Total one-night stand. I don't even remember her name."

"Wow," Will laughed. "That's not what I meant, but if it worked?"

"It worked," Simon said. "I think I was just used to, you know, having you available. And then you weren't, which is, like _totally fine_ by the way. And I shouldn't have taken it out on you and Sarah."

"OK," Will said agreeably. "Well I hate fighting. So this is good, right? We're good?"

"Totally good," Simon said.

"Great. Let's go get lunch."

It was uncomfortable at first, but with a lot of effort to be cheerful by Simon, they eventually got comfortable with each other again.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time the school term ended and the summer holidays began, Simon had chilled out. Somewhat at least. He was looking forward to the summer because Sarah would be going home to visit her mum and dad, while he and Will were staying on in their flat. Will had a part-time job in the University's Accounting office, which he was continuing through the summer. And Simon got a job waiting tables at a nearby Italian restaurant.

With Sarah gone, things went somewhat back to normal for Simon. He never felt aggravated toward Will anymore. And they were able to have fun together, though obviously they didn't go back to sleeping together.

On the evenings when Simon didn't have to work, he and Will would sit on the couch for hours and play X-box games. Simon would let himself get a little flirty with Will. Patting him on the knee, and occasionally even laying his head on Will's shoulder while they laughed and played and drank beer. It's what Simon had wanted at the beginning, for their past sleeping together to not affect their friendship.

Except that now, Simon couldn't decide _what_ he wanted. He wanted Will, definitely, but he knew he could never imagine being out with a boyfriend. And that wasn't fair to openly bisexual Will.

For a few days Will left to go visit Sarah at her mum's house. Will was actually going to meet a girl's parents, which was a huge deal and he was nervous about it. Simon probably didn't help matters by hugging Will and planting platonic kisses on the top of Will's head in a completely selfish effort to calm him down.

Simon was friendly with some of the other employees at the restaurant, and he told them about his situation. He naturally switched pronouns in his version of the story - where he and this _girl_ had been friends, then friends with benefits, and were now back to being friends because she had a boyfriend. Only now he realized how much he wanted her back.

"Befriend the boyfriend," was the advice nearly everyone gave him.

"Look," said Vivian, the smoky eyed hostess, one night, "What're are the chances that this guy is _the one_ for your friend? Practically zero, right?"

Simon shrugged, "They're quite good together."

"Lots of people are good together. Doesn't mean they'll end up married, right?"

"Yeah," Simon said.

"So, assume they won't end up together. And you'll be the good guy because when they _do_ break up, there you'll be there, just like you always have been."

"Huh," Simon said thoughtfully. Maybe Vivan was right? Maybe he should back off making fun of Will, and occasionally Sarah, when she was there. In fact, why should he treat Will any differently when Sarah was around at all? With Sarah gone this summer, Simon had made a point to be touchier and flirtier with Will. Maybe, well, he could just keep that up?

When Will came back from visiting Sarah, he came with the news that he'd worked things out with his mother. He and Sarah had taken a day and gone to visit Will's mum, so she could meet Sarah. It was at Sarah's insistence that Will try to work things out with her.

"She didn't make it easy," Will complained.

"Sarah?"

"Mum," Will answered. "She's _still_ with Gilbert, which is fucking ridiculous. Then she asked me at one point if being with Sarah meant I'd passed my 'bisexual phase.'"

"Ouch," Simon said, sympathetically.

"I know," Will said indignantly. "I had to explain to her, _in front of Mr. Gilbert,_ that that's not how it worked. And he was making a face the whole time!"

"Are you sure that's not just his face?" Simon laughed. "I mean, he always looks a bit like a constipated pig. Your mum's way too good-looking for him."

"I'll pretend that's not a hot mum joke," Will sighed.

"It's not. It's a Mr. Gilbert's ugly joke."

"Good."

"Anyway," Simon said. "It was boring here without you. I felt pathetic playing Call of Duty on my own."

"Well, let's play," Will said, flopping down on the couch.

Simon sat next to him, closer than was probably necessary, and leaned his head onto Will's shoulder. If Will thought it was weird that Simon did things like this, he never said anything. "I'm glad you're back," he said honestly.

By the time classes had started up again, Simon had prepared himself for befriending Sarah. Or at least being quite a bit nicer to her. It was hard, because she was just so odd and quiet. Her clothes were bizarre. Often mismatched and just strange. She swung by their flat the last day of the holiday wearing bright red leggings, a green t-shirt and yellow scarf with Tardises all over it. She looked like a Christmas ornament. But it wasn't just the mismatched colors, it was that she was wearing knee-high black Chuck Taylors that she'd painted with pink flowers.

"Hi Sarah," Simon gave her a friendly smile he hoped didn't look too forced. "How was your holiday?"

Sarah looked mildly surprised to have been treated so friendly by Simon. "It was nice, Simon. How was yours?"

"No complaints," he said.

Will came out of his bedroom, buttoning up his shirt. He leaned in for a quick kiss from Sarah, and Simon made sure he didn't even roll his eyes at their kiss. "Ready?"

"Ready," she answered.

"We're going to dinner," Will said. "Be back later."

Simon saw them out the door, and leaned his head against it when it was closed. Kindness hadn't been that difficult, he supposed. But he'd definitely have to keep it up.

While they were out at dinner, Simon went by himself to the pub and happened to see Dana, the girl he'd gone out with a couple of times in their third year. He brought her back to the flat and slept with her. They were being loud, and he didn't bother to keep quiet when he heard Will and Sarah getting back a few hours later.

He managed to keep up the kindness. And surprisingly, he discovered that there may have been something to the phrase _fake it till you make it_ after all. Because while he could fake being happy for Will, he actually found himself in a better mood when he was pretending. It helped that whenever Will and Sarah got too nauseatingly cute, he'd go out and hookup with whoever would have him, girl or guy. Within the first few months of the school year, Simon had slept with about ten different people. Eight girls, two guys. But who was counting?

Will got the flu that winter. He was pretty much out of it, feverish and sleeping, for three whole days. The fourth day he managed to stay awake a bit here and there. Long enough for Simon to begin making some chicken soup.

While Will napped, there was a soft knock on the door. Simon answered it, and invited Sarah in. "I made Will some chicken soup," she said, holding up a container.

"Oh," Simon faltered. "I've made him some too." He pointed to the pot on the stove. "I emailed his mum and told her Will had the flu and asked her what she used to give him when he was a kid and sick."

"You...emailed his mum?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah," Simon shrugged, like it was no big deal.

"That was really, um, nice of you."

"Well. You know, I kind of owed him."

"For what?" Sarah didn't seem pleased at all with the competition for caring for Will during his illness.

"I've kind of acted like a dick, I guess."

"When?"

Simon looked at Sarah, and got the impression that maybe she liked him _less_ now that he was being nicer to her and Will. All that made him want to do was act nice in the extreme. "Oh, you know. I had a shite year last year and I think I took it out on Will a bit. I'm just trying to be better."

"By taking care of him when he's sick."

"Yes."

"OK, well. Is he awake?"

"He went down for a nap a couple hours ago. We could go see if he's awake."

Sarah followed Simon to the hall, and he tapped lightly on Will's door. "Come in," Will croaked softly from the other side.

Sarah and Simon went in. "Hi guys," Will said, sounding sick and a little pathetic.

"Simon and I both made you soup," Sarah said.

"Aww, that's so nice. My mum used to make soup for me when I was sick."

"I emailed your mum," Simon said. "She sent me the recipe she used."

"You're too good."

Sarah sat on the edge of the bed next to Will, while Simon began collecting tissues and dried cloths from around Simon's bed.

"Si's been bringing me cold cloths for my head," Will pointed out to Sarah. "He even changed my pillowcases and washed the other ones when they got gross and sweaty."

"Oh! Speaking of that," Simon left the room, dumped the used cloths in the hamper and picked up the clean pillowcases. He went back into the room and continued, "I went to the laundrette. Let's change your pillowcases again."

He reached down to help Will sit up, but Sarah placed herself between them and she offered her arm to Will to hold onto to pull himself to a sitting position. Simon grabbed Will's pillows and pulled the cases off, then slipped the freshly cleaned ones on. "If you want to go lie on the couch, I can change your bedsheets as well."

"I should probably try to get up and move," Will agreed.

Sarah helped Will stand. He was visibly shaky, and held onto her arm to get into the living room. Simon could hear Sarah quietly fussing over him while he stripped the sheets off of Will's bed. As he changed the fitted sheet, he noticed something slipping under the mattress. Simon pulled out a magazine and looked at it curiously. _Oh._ It was porn. He flipped through a few pages. It was very very gay porn. How quaintly 1990's for Will to be keeping magazine porn instead of just using his computer like a normal person.

Simon wondered how much Sarah knew about Will's sexuality? For all his problems with her, Simon didn't think Sarah seemed like the type to have a problem with Will being bi.

Simon slipped the magazine back where he found it, and finished changing the sheets. Out in the living room, Sarah had gotten Will a bowl of soup - the kind she brought, not what Simon had simmering on the stove.

Simon tried to stay out of their way, settling himself in to study in his room, but he left his door open. He could hear them chatting, Sarah had taken notes for Will in their one shared class, and Will told her about the crazy fever dreams he'd had.

She stayed for a little over an hour, and as she left, Simon made his way back into the living room. Will was lying on the couch, covered in a knitted green blanket he'd taken from his mother's house. Will lifted his legs and Simon sat on the far end of the couch, then Will put his legs on top of Simon's knees.

"Nice magazine," Simon said. "Under your mattress?"

"God. I don't even know why I bought it. I have a laptop. I was just at the newsstand one day, and it was just...there. And I got it on impulse."

"Get some use out of it?"

"Of course," Will smiled weakly, and started coughing.

Simon put his hands under the blanket and began giving Will a foot massage. "Mmmm," Will said, sinking into the couch and closing his eyes. "Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"No problem."

"I'm sure it wasn't fun for you."

"Well, I'm sure the flu wasn't fun for you."

The door popped open and Sarah walked back in, "I forgot to leave those notes for you, Will." She saw Will lying on the couch, legs draped over Simon's. Simon brought his hands out from under the blanket and laid them on top. "Oh."

"The notes?" Will asked Sarah when things had gone silent for a few moments. His tone of voice indicated he found absolutely nothing awkward about his girlfriend walking in on him and his best friend cuddling on the couch.

"Yeah," she reached into her backpack. "Here," she laid them down on the table. She looked very much like she wanted to say something else, but instead just nodded, and said. "Well, I'll be off then."

She blew a kiss to Will, who caught it and blew one back to her.

When she left, Will continued the conversation he and Simon had been having. Simon couldn't decide if Will honestly didn't realize that had been fuck-awkward or if he was ignoring it.

Simon's birthday was coming up, and Jay sent him a text that he and Neil were coming to spend the entire weekend. And that he had big news.

"We already know he's got a girlfriend," Simon said. "He hasn't been shy about posting twenty pictures a day of them together." Jay had met Holly at a pub about six months earlier, and they had fallen in love and were constantly together and posting selfies on Facebook. Simon had been wrong all those months ago; Will and Sarah weren't nauseatingly cute, but Jay and Holly sure as fuck were.

"Maybe he's bringing Holly for us to finally meet her," Will suggested.

"Nah," Simon said. "He was clear this was a lads weekend."

Will looked at Sarah and gave her a crooked smile, "Sorry."

She rolled her eyes, "No worries. You and the lads don't exactly bring out the best in each other."

"What do you mean?" Will asked, offended. But Simon merely laughed.

"She's right, you know," Simon said, standing up and ruffling Will's hair affectionately, always finding an excuse to touch him, whether Sarah was there or not. "Even if Jay seems like he's gotten a little more mature."

"Not too much, I hope," Will said. "He just wouldn't be Jay if he was mature."

Sarah was at the flat when Jay and Neil arrived, but left shortly afterward. Jay hadn't brought any liquor this time, so Simon ran to the store on the corner to buy some.

"Thanks, mate. I know it your birthday, but I'm trying to save money," Jay said.

"Moving out of mummy and daddy's house finally?" Simon asked.

"Actually yes," Jay answered. "Holly and I are getting a flat."

"Really?" Will asked. "It's only been six months."

"Well, she's up the duff."

The silence that followed was one of disbelief, before Neil and Simon and Will all started shouting at once.

"You knocked your girlfriend up?" That was Simon.

"You're going to be a daddy?" That was Neil.

"Why doesn't she just get an abortion?" That was Will.

Everyone turned to look at Will, stunned that he was the one who said it. "What?" he asked. "We were all thinking it. Jay hardly seems like he'd be father of the year. It'd probably be for the best that she goes and gets it hoovered out, right?"

"Jesus, Will," Simon said. "You can't just _say_ that."

"But we were thinking it, right?"

Simon didn't say anything, but he very well had been thinking it. Neil answered instead, "I wasn't thinking it."

"Thank you Neil," Jay said, making a face at Will.

"No offense," Will said. "You're all of twenty-three years old, Jay. You can't possible think it's a good idea to have a baby with a girl you've been with for half a year."

"It'll be just over a year by the time the baby gets here," Jay pointed out. "But listen. I've got it all figured out. My dad was a shit father. All I have to do to be a good father is think of what _he_ would have done and do the opposite."

"Makes sense," Neil said, nodding sagely.

"This is fucking unbelievable," Will said.

"Will, chill out. We need to be as supportive as possible. The poor kid's gonna have Jay as a daddy."

"Oy," Jay said, frowning at them. "I'm not actually upset at this news. Guys, I love Holly and she's gonna be a great mum."

"Don't you dare fucking leave your kid," Will said. "No matter how much you hate changing nappies or how much your kid is an awkward embarrassment."

"Jesus, Will," Jay said. "Fuck you, all right? I'm not a monster."

"Oh," Simon said, nodding knowingly. "Jay, you know this isn't about you, right? Will's got his own daddy issues."

"Awww, does Wee Willy need his daddy?" Jay asked, his voice going high and sarcastic.

Despite himself, Will laughed.

"Wee Willy needs his old man," Neil said.

"Fine," Will said. "Point taken. Jay, I'm sorry I suggested your girlfriend get her womb hoovered rather than bring another Jay Cartwright into this world."

They raised their drinks, "To another Jay Cartwright," Neil said. They cheered and toasted to it.

Because Jay was saving money for a flat and a baby, Neil and Will pooled their money and treated Simon for his birthday, and Jay as a gift.

It'd been awhile since the four of them had gone out together, and it was just like old times. Except that neither Will nor Jay was out trying to get laid, but they were trying to get Neil and Simon laid.

In their case, it worked on Neil. He found a girl who was flirting hard with him, and Simon slipped him his key so he could take her back to the flat.

Simon struck out right and left, not even able to get a girl who took pity on a single guy on his birthday. So he, Jay,and Will drunkenly made their way back to the flat. Will had his arm slung around Simon's shoulder, singing happy birthday to him over and over.

Back in the flat, they could hear Neil and the girl he'd picked up locked up in Simon's bedroom, so Jay took the couch, leaving Simon to climb into Will's bed with him. Simon wasn't even able to get into his bedroom for pajamas, so he pulled off his shirt and trousers and flopped into bed in just his boxer shorts.

While Will was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, Simon pulled the magazine he knew was hidden under the mattress and started thumbing through it. It wasn't the type of porn he'd normally have watched, but he had to admit, these guys were fit. And it wasn't entirely unpleasant to see two guys fucking. In fact, it was pretty amazing. The blowjob pictures reminded Simon achingly of just a year earlier when he and Will had endless opportunities for blowjobs. He didn't even know what it meant that his dick was getting hard.

Will stumbled in and laughed a little, "What the fuck're you doing, Si?"

"Enjoying the...uh….articles in this very fine publication," Simon answered, palming his dick through his boxers.

Will jumped into bed next to Simon and looked over his shoulder at the picture in the magazine Will was holding. It was two heavily muscled men on a bed, the one on his back with his legs on the shoulders of the other one, who was pressing his dick into the other guy's ass.

"God," Will said, his own dick quickly becoming erect.

Simon reached into his own boxers, and Will into his. They both wanked a few times, staring at the picture in front of them.

"Wait," Will said, breathing heavily. He sat up and let his legs hang over the edge of the bed. "I'm pretty sure jerking off next to each other counts as cheating on Sarah."

"We don't have to touch," Simon said.

Will looked at him, his eyes pleading. "Please don't ask me to. It's very hard for me to say no to this right now."

Simon stood up, "I won't," he promised. "I'm sorry. Look I'm taking this into the bathroom and am going to finish myself off."

Simon got into the bathroom and set the magazine out on the counter and shoved his boxers down to his ankles. With one hand, he flipped through the pages, taking in all the pictures. With the other hand, he jerked himself off. He imagined Will still sitting on the edge of his bed and wanking while thinking about Simon.

He felt his balls tighten, bit his lip and came onto the side of the sink's vanity. He slowed down, caught his breath, and after a few moments of shaky legs, pulled off some toilet paper and cleaned up. It hadn't taken him very long at all, so he washed his face and took a long time brushing his teeth in order to give Will time to finish up.

By the time he got back into Will's bedroom, Will was lying in bed, on his back with his hands behind his head. "Alright?" Simon asked him.

"Yes," Will said quietly.

Simon returned the magazine to its hiding place under the mattress and climbed into bed next to Will. "Well, I feel better for having finished myself off."

Will gave a small sideways smile. "Why'd you do that?"

"Do what, wank? Because I was horny?"

Will shifted so he was lying on his side. He propped his head up with his hand. "Why'd you wank to gay porn?"

"Dunno," Simon said. "It was there."

"Have you ever done anything gay that wasn't with me?"

"Why?" Simon asked.

"Just curious."

Simon went silent, "I don't know what answer will make you feel any better."

"How about the truth?"

Simon licked his lips, "I hooked up with Devin," he admitted. "Last year, shortly after you started seeing Sarah."

"What'd you do?"

"We blew each other," Simon answered.

"Anyone else?"

"Well, I've been hooking up a lot recently," Simon said.

"I've noticed," Will said dryly.

"Two of them have been guys."

"What have you done?"

"Just hand or mouth stuff," Simon said. "Just like you and I used to."

Will was quiet for a long time. He lay his head back down on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. "You mad, Will?" Simon finally asked.

"No."

"Upset?"

"Why should I be upset?" Will asked in a voice that indicated he was probably upset.

"I dunno," Simon answered. "Because you shouldn't be. I'm not cheating on anyone, and it'd be hypocritical of you to be mad that I've been with other blokes."

"Are you bi?"

"I think I must be," Simon answered. "Right? I mean, straight guys don't hook-up with other guys. They don't take their friend's gay porn and jerk off to it."

"Are you coming out to me?"

"Fuck, Will." Simon pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I think I just came out to myself."

"What does this mean?"

"Nothing," Simon said. "Nothing changes, Will. I still stand by the fact that I want to end up with a woman. Jay's getting ready to have a kid, moving in with a girlfriend. I know it's lame but I want that type of thing, you know? A house and a wife and kids. Kids have always been something I wanted. So, while I'm looking for the right girl, I guess I can have a few hookups with guys."

Will was silent for a few moments, "Makes sense," he finally said as he rolled over and turned the lamp off on the nightstand. "Night, Si."

"Night, Will," Simon answered, cuddling in under the covers. He thought about what'd just happened. He'd spent so much of his time thinking of himself as straight, he was almost startled to realize he's not. Why, _why_ did his bisexuality come as such a surprise to him when he's hooked up with four guys and enjoyed gay porn?

Bi or not, he wasn't lying to Will. His endgame was marriage and kids.

Toward the end of the term, Will and Sarah were watching an old rerun of Doctor Who one lazy evening when they should have been studying for finals. They were on the couch, sitting side by side. The episode they were watching was from the first season of the reboot, and Will laughed out loud when Jack Harkness was naked in front of the camera for a ridiculous but life-threatening stint on a reality show.

"Do you think he's cute?" Sarah asked.

"Doesn't everybody?"

Sarah laughed a little, "Probably. You know we never talk about it."

"About what?"

"Your bisexuality."

"What's there to talk about?" Will asked.

"Do you miss being with other guys?"

"Do _you_ miss being with other guys?" Will countered.

"No," Sarah said. "I'm happy with you!"

"Well," Will shrugged. "I'm happy with you too! You know, being bi doesn't make me a cheater."

"I know it doesn't," Sarah said, realizing she'd stepped into a trap of hurt feelings. "I didn't mean to suggest it. I was just wondering. Like, if Jack Harkness was a real person and he came in here flirting with you like he does, would you be able to say no."

"Of course I'd be _able_ to say no."

" _Would_ you say no?"

"For Jack Harkness?" Will asked pointing to John Barrowman's face filling their TV screen. "I'd probably ask you if you'd be interested in a threesome."

Sarah laughed at that, "Fair enough. For Jack Harkness, I'd probably agree to it."

"We should have a list of celebs we'd be OK having a threesome with."

"Because I'm sure we'll get so many chances."

"Hey, you never know," Will said, puffing his chest out. "I'm quite the catch, you know."

"Well I think you are," Sarah leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Were you worried?" Will asked.

"Not especially," Sarah said. She settled back and glanced at the TV, biting her lip. "I do have a question for you. And I don't want you to get mad at me for asking."

"I won't," Will promised.

"You told me you'd been with two guys."

"Yeah."

"Was Simon one of them?"

Will let a few moments pause go by before asking with a raised octave, "What would make you ask that?"

"You aren't denying it," Sarah said flatly.

"I'm not confirming it either," Will said. "I'm just really curious about why you'd think it."

"When we first started going out," Sarah started out slowly, "I thought he didn't like me, even though I'd never been anything but nice to him. And I thought maybe he was jealous? But, I just thought, you know, like he was jealous of the time I was taking from you. But this year, he's been so different. Overly friendly to me, like he's trying to prove something. And he...Will, he always touches you."

"No he doesn't," Will said, shaking his head.

"Yes he does," Sarah insisted. "And you're so comfortable with it, you don't even realize he's doing it. He's constantly patting your shoulder or knees, giving you little side-hugs, or massaging your shoulders or tousling your hair. It's weird, and overly familiar in a way most straight guys aren't with each other."

"We're best friends," Will said.

"You still haven't answered my question directly."

Will didn't know what to say. But, he decided a strong relationship should be built on honesty. "Yes."

Sarah took a deep breath, "Okay. When was the last time you guys did it?"

"Two nights before you and I first had sex."

"Not the night of his birthday? When Jay and Neil were here?"

"What? No!" Will said forcefully.

"You slept in the same bed," Sarah pointed out.

"Right. We _slept._ We didn't even touch each other." Even Will's honesty didn't extend to mentioning the near-mutual masturbation session.

Sarah looked upset. "Will, you know I don't have a problem with you being bi. But you live with your ex, and that's a little weird to me."

"He's not my ex," Will explained. "We're best friends."

"He's your ex-boyfriend," Sarah corrected.

"He's not," Will shook his head. "For him to be my ex-boyfriend, he would have to have been my boyfriend in the first place. But we weren't. We were never anything besides friends who sometimes messed around."

"Does he know that? Because I think he has boyfriendy feelings for you."

"Nah," Will said dismissively. "He was the one always insisting on our just being friends."

He realized a second too late what he'd just admitted to. Because Sarah's eyes went wide, "Wait, so _you_ have boyfriendy feelings toward _him_?"

"Had," Will stressed. "Past tense. I had feelings for him. But I don't now, Sarah I'm with you. I love you."

"Do you see how this makes me uncomfortable?"

"No. I don't see how it's different than any other ex. Actually, this isn't even that because, like I said, we were never really together."

"But you've slept with him."

"Yes."

"And you're still living with him."

"Well, yes. But just as a friend."

Sarah crossed her arms in front of her chest and bit her lip. "Will, you're blind."

"What do you mean?"

"He's in fucking _love_ with you."

"No he's not," Will said. "Sarah, you're mental."

"I am _not,"_ Sarah said hotly. "I know what I'm seeing and don't you dare call me crazy for it."

Will held his hands up in defeat, "What do you want me to do?"

"Move out."

"No," Will said, not even needing to think about it. "That will not happen. I'm considering getting my own flat after graduation, but I'm not moving out on him while we're still in school. We're in the middle of a lease, anyway."

"Come stay with me until your lease is up. I won't charge you any rent, and Simon can live here by himself with you still covering half the rent."

"That's absurd," Will said. "I'm not moving out. I don't know if I'm ready to live with someone I'm in a relationship with."

Sarah laughed hollowly, "How long were you in a relationship with Simon while living with him?"

"It was a friendship, not a relationship," Will shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"When's the first time you guys slept together?"

"Why?"

"Tell me the truth," Sarah said coldly.

There was nothing to lose by being honest at this point. "Year one."

"God," Sarah sounded shocked. "You guys spent two and a half years fucking before I came along and you want to tell me it was only friendship? Will, listen to me. You are living with your ex. You should have told me from the beginning that one of your past lovers was your current roommate."

"Lover is such a strong word."

"But is it untrue?"

"Whatever we were before, and I'm not even admitting to having been more than friends who fuck, we aren't now. I haven't slept with anyone, Simon included, from the moment you and I decided to be exclusive."

"I believe you," Sarah said. "I don't want you to think I'm accusing you of cheating because I know you, and I don't think you'd do that. But Will, you are in deep denial about your relationship with Simon. And I can't be with you if you're not going to do something about it."

"Do what about it?"

"I told you. You need to move out. It's not good for you or Simon to be together so much. You'll never be able to have a normal relationship. For god's sake, no wonder Simon's become so slutty this year. He's compensating for losing you."

"I'm not walking out on my best friend."

"You have a co-dependency."

"We have a friendship," Will's teeth were gritted.

"It's unhealthy. And frankly, it's not fair to me. You've been dishonest with me, and I don't think I'm being unreasonable."

"You're giving me an ultimatum."

"Ultimatums aren't always mean. Sometimes they're necessary."

"I'm not moving out," Will said with finality.

Sarah began gathering her textbooks and papers and her purse. She started crying, "I can't believe that wasn't even a difficult decision for you. God, Will. You didn't even need to think about it."

Will realized what was happening. "You're really leaving me?"

Sarah was openly sobbing now, and she nodded miserably. "There's three people in this relationship, and I can't do it anymore."

Will had nothing else to say. He was too stunned to respond. What the fuck had just happened? How had they gone from joking about a threesome with Captain Jack Harkness to _this_ in thirty minutes? He simply stood there and watched silently, his mouth probably hanging open in shock, as Sarah walked out of the flat and out of his life.

He sat back down on the couch, his mind reeling, staring at the TV, but not able to pay attention to anything that was going on. He tried to think about what had just happened, but his mind couldn't make heads nor tails of it. Sarah had left him. He'd met her parents, she'd met his mum. They'd been together just over a year, and he'd been happy.

Where the fuck did she get off, then? Saying that Simon was in love with him? He should have explained to her about Simon wanting to wind up marrying a woman. That would have calmed her down a bit. Knowing that it wasn't possible for them to ever wind up in a relationship. But, the more he thought about it, the more he realized he shouldn't have _had_ to explain that to her. Who Simon wanted to end up wasn't any of her fucking business.

In fact, the longer Will pondered this, the angrier he got. He wasn't sleeping with Simon anymore, he wasn't cheating on her, and that should have been fucking enough for her. Will got up and started pacing around the small flat. His emotions fluctuated between anger and sadness.

After about an hour, Simon came in. "Hey, Will," he said dropping a Tesco bag on the counter. "They had a sale at Tesco. I got stuff to make hamburgers." He whistled as he began putting things in the fridge. "Will?" he called out again. "You there?"

Will came out of his bedroom, and Simon could tell from one look at Will's face that something was wrong. He had a dazed look about him, possibly even swollen eyes like he'd been crying. "What's wrong?" Simon asked.

"Sarah broke up with me," Will said. He sounded like he couldn't quite believe it.

"What?" Simon gasped. He walked around the kitchen and put his arm gently around Will's shoulder, leading him to the couch, where they sat down together. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," Will said. "She was totally serious."

"What the fuck? Why? I thought everything was going all right?"

"It was. We just had a...well, a thing today and she left."

"She left over one fight?"

"Yes."

"What was it about?"

Will looked Simon in the eyes and studied his face for several long moments. He was trying to see in Simon's face what Sarah could supposedly see. But he didn't. He didn't see Simon pining for him. All he saw was Simon concerned for just-dumped best friend.

"Is it OK if I don't tell you what it was about? At least not yet. I'm not sure if I come off looking like and arse in this story or if she does."

"You know I'll take your side either way."

"That's very kind, but still."

"Sure," Simon agreed. "Absolutely. But whenever you feel like talking about it, I'm here, right?"

Will licked his lips, "Why's your arm around me?" He demanded.

Simon moved his arms and clasped his hands in front of him. "Sorry," he said, "I was trying to be comforting, I'll keep my hands to myself." What the _fuck,_ Simon wondered. He didn't push it, because Will was hurting. Maybe he needed space.

Simon got up and went to the kitchen, "Want a drink?" he asked.

"Do we have any wine?"

"I think so," Simon checked and saw a half-full bottle of pinot. He poured a healthy glass for Will and brought it to him.

Will frowned, "Sarah brought this bottle over," he said sadly.

"In that case," Simon went back to the kitchen and poured himself the rest of the wine, even though he didn't really like red wine. He just didn't want Sarah to get her wine back. "I'll help you finish it."

It was at that moment Will got weepy. "What am I going to do without her, Si? I thought this might be the real thing."

"It'll be OK, Will. I promise," Simon said. He took another swig of his wine because he didn't know what to do with his hands now that Will had hinted that he shouldn't have his arm around him. Simon patted his knee quickly.

Simon and Will spent the rest of that night watching TV or playing on the X-box. Will was maudlin, occasionally crying and sometimes acting angry ("She was really a bitch, Si. But I might have deserved it.")

Simon sent a quick text to Jay and Neil to let them know and they both sent Will some texts to make sure he was OK. Jay sent him some porn links to help him feel better - including gay porn which much have just about killed him to look for.

About a week later, Simon was home alone one day while Will was in class when a knock came on the door. Simon answered it, and Sarah was standing there.

"What?" Simon asked rudely.

"I came by to pick up some things I left here." She crossed her arms in front of her chest, a defensive move Simon recognized immediately.

"You knew he'd be in class," Simon said. "You came when you knew he'd be gone." He stood aside and let her enter.

"Of course I did."

"Fucking coward," Simon shook his head. "Break his heart then can't even face him."

"You think my heart's not broken?" Sarah asked. "I love him, you know."

"Funny way of showing it," Simon said sarcastically, "Breaking up with him."

"Did he tell you what happened?"

"You had a disagreement," Simon answered. He knew he didn't have the whole story behind the breakup, not that it mattered. He would be on Will's side whatever happened. "People disagree all the time, no reason to call it all off though, is it?"

Sarah shook her head, "You have no idea. Anyway, I thought you'd be happy about it."

"Why the fuck would I be happy my best friend is in misery?"

"Oh, I get it," Sarah said snidely, making her way brusquely into Will's bedroom. "We're still lying to ourselves, are we?" She started opening drawers and pulling things out and shoving them into a large tote bag she'd brought and slamming the drawers.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Will said, standing in the doorway, watching her collect her things. "Will's a wreck. I'd be a shit friend if I didn't care about that."

"Oh, I know," Sarah agreed. "It's nice Will's got you here. But let me just say you don't know what our fight was about, Simon. Give me a little fucking credit, OK? I'm not going to break things off with a guy I love for no good reason."

"I don't even need to ask if he cheated on you, because I know he didn't."

Sarah looked at Simon and frowned slightly, "Will's not the cheating type, is he?"

"Of course he's not," Simon said. He moved out of the doorway and followed Sarah into the bathroom.

She bent down and rooted through the cabinet under the sink and threw a tube of her toothpaste, a hairbrush and a box of tampons into her tote. She stood up and faced Simon, "He didn't cheat," Sarah said. "But he also couldn't prioritize our relationship."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Look, Simon. I'm not going to sit down and explain it all to you. Will can do it when the time is right. And if you guys ever get your shit together, I swear I'll be the first to wish you well."

"What the fuck does any of that even mean?"

"I'm sure if you think hard enough, you can figure out why I had to leave him."

"You're mad."

"Maybe I am. But I really think I did the right thing. I'm sorry Will's hurting, and I'm glad you're here for him." Sarah made her way to the front door, Simon still tagging along behind her. "I gotta go, Simon. Take care, all right?"

She didn't even wait for Simon to answer before she opened the door and was gone in the blink of an eye.

Over the next few days, Will came out of his daze. Started acting a little more normal. But one evening, he noticed Sarah had changed her Facebook profile from "In a relationship" to "Single" and he was back to being depressed.

Will dropped the news on Simon about a fortnight later while he was studying for exams. The final final exams he'd be taking as a University student.

"I got a job at an Accounting firm next year," Will said.

"No shit? Congratulations."

"I'm moving out," Will said bluntly. "Our lease is up in a few months, and I've signed a new one for a small one-bedroom closer to my job."

"Oh," Simon said.

"I know you haven't found a job yet," Will began, and Simon interrupted him.

"I'm going to keep working at the restaurant until I find something better."

"So you should be able to find a flatmate to help with the rent."

"You don't have to leave," Simon said. "You could still live here."

"I don't think I can," Will said.

"Why not?"

"Do you remember what we talked about? The night of your birthday?"

"We talked about a lot."

"You told me you were bi, and that you were definitely going to wind up with a woman."

"Yeah?"

"I want that to happen for you. And I'll never be properly over you if I'm still living with you and seeing you every day."

Simon went silent. Will was refusing to meet his eyes. "What are you saying?"

"When we started sleeping together, I was way more into you than you were to me. And I knew it and that was fine. And then I met Sarah, and she was right, you know? That she'd probably always come in second to you in my mind. So she broke up with me. And….I'm just saying. You won't be my boyfriend. I want to stay friends, but I think I need a break from you for that to happen."

"Oh." Simon didn't know what to say.

"You still don't want to be out, do you?" Will asked.

Simon shook his head slightly, "I don't think so."

"But you'd be willing to go to bed with me right now if I asked."

"Yes."

"And there's the rub," Will said. "Because I really want to take you back to my bed and blow you until you can't see straight. But that would be such a shitty idea, because it wouldn't lead anywhere except to me wanting more than you're willing to give me."

Simon hung his head, "God, Will. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Will said. "You haven't done anything wrong. You've been honest from the very beginning. Three years ago you told me that we were just messing about. I'm the one who let my emotions get in the way."

"I did too, though," Simon said. "I got jealous after you found Sarah and I slept around."

"But you still wouldn't have been in a relationship with me."

Simon didn't answer. He figured his silence was answer enough, and Will took it as a no.

"Anyway," he turned toward the kitchen. "I just wanted to let you know so you can start looking for someone to take over my half the rent, or for you to look for another place."

All in all, it was a horribly awkward couple of months left living together.


	5. Chapter 5

Post Uni: Year One

Will had been in his new flat for six months, and at his new job for seven, and things were going well. His flat was small, but it was his own. And if he missed living with someone, he knew it was better that he didn't see Simon every day.

And it's not like it had been radio silence from Simon anyway. They texted, they occasionally got dinner. They both went back together one weekend to see Jay and Holly after their son was born.

Will hoped he was getting over Simon. There was a guy who worked in the mailroom at Will's job, and Will had slept with him a few times. Nothing serious, no commitment, but a few dinners and overnights in Will's small flat. He was nice enough, but Will had to admit he was no Simon.

Will was in one Saturday afternoon when his phone buzzed. He looked at it and saw a text from Simon. _You in?_

Will texted back. _I'm in._

 _I'm outside. Can I come up?_

 _Come on up._

Will reached over and unlocked his door and waited for Simon to come in.

"What's up?" Will asked when Simon walked in.

"I wanted to tell you something." Simon looked manic, maybe even nervous, he seemed slightly out of breath and fidgety. Will couldn't read his demeanor at all.

"What?"

"This," Simon said, and took two large steps toward Will and pulled him into a bruising kiss.

"Mmm," Will hummed in shock. His eyes were wide, but it took him only seconds to close his eyes and return the kiss, even though he had no fucking clue what was going on. It was a kiss of practiced familiarity. The kind of kiss that came with the comfort of years together.

Simon pushed Will further into the apartment, and down onto the couch. He broke the kiss, then climbed onto Will and sat astride his lap. He leaned into kiss again, but Will held him back, hand on Simon's chest.

"Si, what the fuck?"

"Will, haven't you missed this?"

"I don't - I don't know," Will answered. It was a lie. It was a complete lie. Of _course_ he missed this. He'd missed it since the day he moved out. But it didn't change anything. It didn't change the fact that Simon couldn't give him the relationship he wanted.

"I've missed it," Simon said quietly.

Will pushed Simon off, and Simon flopped onto the couch. Will got up and began pacing, "This isn't fair. You can't do this. I told you I can't be with you like we were anymore. I _want_ you. But I don't want to just mess around and not be a couple."

"That's what I want too," Simon said desperately. "You left all those months ago, and you're all I've been able to think about."

"What changed?" Will asked.

"Everything," Simon said. "It was stupid of me to to not realize what we had before. I want to change it."

"How do you know I'm even available?" Will asked. "You come waltzing in here like no time has passed-"

Simon interrupted, "Your Facebook still says single."

"So? You know it takes time to change that!"

"Well, are you seeing anyone?"

After a pause, Will admitted, "No. There's a guy at work I'm messing about with, but it's nothing real."

"Why isn't it anything real?" Simon pressed.

Will rolled his eyes and put his hands to his hips. "You know why. Because I'm trying to find someone like-" he cut himself off.

"Someone like me?" Simon guessed.

"But this is stupid," Will argued. "You've said yourself, several times for the last four years, that we weren't serious. That you want to wind up married to a woman. You're such a bisexual closet case."

"I'm not anymore," Simon said.

"Not what?"

"A bisexual closet case."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not closeted anymore. Not entirely. I've told someone."

"What?" Will couldn't believe it.

"Don't be angry," Simon said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I've brought along someone who could help me." He texted.

"The hell is going on?" Will asked.

"Someone's coming up here. Well, two someones."

Less than a minute later, Will's door opened and in walked Jay and Neil. Jay had baby Max in a chest carrier, and was hauling a large blue baby changing bag on one shoulder, and Neil was behind him carrying a folded up baby buggy. "Simon, what the hell is going on?" Will asked. He was sure he misunderstood what was happening. It seemed to Will that Simon as saying that he'd told both Jay and Neil that he, Simon, was bisexual and in love with Will.

"We're here to help you guys work this out, right?" Neil said, as though it was obvious.

"I-" Wil's voice faltered. "I don't know what to say." He watched as Jay and Neil made their way into the small living room, dropping the bag and leaning the buggy against the wall. Will looked at Jay, now unbucking the baby out of his carrier and swinging him over to rest on his hip. Will hadn't seen baby Max since he was a few weeks old. At that time, the baby had been a blob of flesh with about as much personality as a doorstop. But now at nearly six months old, he was bright eyed and smiling, showing two little teeth on the bottom of his drooly little mouth.

It's not like Will didn't know Max had gotten bigger. Jay and Holly were the type of parents who never stopped posting baby pictures on Facebook. But seeing him here, and seeing Jay holding him so comfortably was a little jarring. It was almost enough to make him forget about why Simon had brought Jay and Neil here.

"So, explain this to me again," Will said. He settled into the armchair while Neil and Simon took the couch. "I'm not sure why you guys are here."

"Give me a moment to change this nappy," Jay said, sitting on the floor and pulling a pad, some wipes, and a fresh nappy out of the changing bag. He expertly changed Max's shitty nappy in less than a minute. It smelled awful, but Jay (and Max) seemed immune to the stench.

"Don't throw that in my bin," Will commanded. "Go down the hall to the rubbish chute and throw it down there."

"Fine," Jay said, rolling his eyes. "Real men can handle a little shitty nappy." He picked the baby up, and shoved him in Will's lap.

Will wasn't expecting to be holding a baby, and snaked an arm protectively around Max's round tummy. He then picked him up and faced the baby to him. Max stood on Will's legs, with Will supporting him under his armpits. "My god, you've gotten to be big," Will said to him.

"I think you're supposed to talk to babies all high-pitched like," Neil said. "Like this. Right Maxy?" Neil said in a ridiculously high octave.

Max turned and looked at Neil, scrunched his face at him and laughed.

"Well, I don't think I can baby talk," Will said. Max turned back to him and smiled at his face too. "See, you're alright with my regular voice." Max stuck four of his fingers in his mouth and started chewing, making a sound like "nya nya nya".

Will looked up and noticed Simon. Simon was watching Will with interest, his eyes wide, head cocked to the side. He smiled slightly at him.

Jay came back into the room, washed his hands, grabbed a bottle from the bag, and began warming it under a hot running tap. Finally, he brought the bottle in and handed it to Will.

"You want me to give your baby a bottle?" Will asked.

Jay shrugged, "If you want. If you don't want, it's no biggie. I can do it."

"I'll try," Will said, taking the bottle from Jay's hand. "Show me."

Max was so eager for the bottle, Will didn't actually need much of Jay's help. The baby managed to slide into position and grabbed at the bottle as soon as Will tilted the nipple toward him. He drank eagerly. "He likes it," Will said.

"He'd better. It's straight from Holly's tits."

"They can get tit milk into bottles now?" Simon asked. It was the first he'd spoken since Jay and Neil had appeared in the door.

"Yeah, she's got this pump thing," Jay said. "It sticks to her tits like a vacuum," he held his hands out in front of him, miming breasts, "And it suctions the milk out and the bottles screw right onto the pump things. It's wild."

"Didja ever drink it?" Neil asked.

"Gross," Will and Simon said at once.

Jay rolled his eyes, not at Neil, but at Will and Simon. "Of course I tried it. It's there, innit? It's coming from her tits? And of course the two poncy gits here are the one's think it's gross."

"Yes, Jay," Will said. "I'm a poncy git. You've got me."

"Yeah, well you are," Jay said, shrugging like it was no big deal. "It's why I'm here, innit? Because you and Si can't get your shite together for one second."

"I've had my shite together."

"No you haven't," Jay said. "That's why Simon comes running to me and Neil last month practically crying about how you've moved out and moved on."

"Start from the beginning," Will said. "Because I don't know what you know."

"We know you two've been buggering since your first year in uni," Neil said.

"How long have you known that?" Will asked curiously.

"We told you, just since Simon came to see us last month," Neil said.

"So Simon just shows up at your place randomly one day and tells you he and I have slept together?"

"You don't understand," Jay explained. "He didn't just come out and say it. He told the whole story. The whole goddamned thing, and Holly was there and heard it all too. He said that, you know, you guys were messing about, and that he wanted to keep it that way. But then he felt like a right arse when you and Sarah started seeing each other, because then he realized maybe it was more than messing about. Will, it was a lot of talk about feelings, and it was pretty gross."

"Aw," Neil said, his voice going high-pitched, "Simon's got feelings." He gave a thumbs up.

"Feelings," Jay repeated, also giving the thumbs up.

"So why are you here?" Will asked.

"To make sure Si doesn't fuck it all up again," Jay said.

Will looked at Simon and Simon nodded.

"Look, it's nice that you guys want to help out a mate," Will said. "But Simon doesn't really want to end up with me. Not like how I want anyway."

"Oh yes he does," Jay said. He turned to Simon, "Didn't you tell him that? That you want to be all out and proud or whatever? March in those daft parades with the rainbow flags?"

"We don't have to march in pride parades," Simon said. "And yes, I told him that I've changed and that I want something real with him. But I don't know that he believes me." Simon turned and looked at Will with large begging eyes.

"It's a pretty big turn around," Will said.

"That's why I told these two guys to come," Simon said desperately. "I want you to see how serious I am about this."

"I need to think about this," Will said. Not because he didn't want Simon (God, did he want to hand Max back to Jay and jump on Simon right this second) but because he didn't want to seem pathetically on the pull for Simon.

Simon looked helplessly at Jay and Neil, and Jay nodded encouragingly. "Tell him. Tell him what you told us."

"I tried," Simon said. "I tried to get over you. You'd moved out and I fucked about with all kinds of people, girls and blokes. And I...just hated myself. I wasn't happy and then I got fucking honest with myself. It wasn't that I just missed shagging you, which I did. But it was more than the shagging. I missed hanging out with you, and laughing with you, and playing X-box, and making dinner and going to the pub. I missed all of it, and then it just hit me one day, you know? Like, oh, that's being in a relationship."

"But the future-" Will started.

"I know what I said," Simon said. "And I was being an absolute idiot. Like, yeah, my whole plan for my life was thinking about getting married, and eventually having babies," he gestured toward Max, suckling away on the bottle. "And my whole life, I just imagined myself doing that with some nameless faceless woman because, you know. That's what people do, yeah? They go to uni, meet a girl, get a job, marry the girl and have a kid or two."

"Isn't that what you want?"

"I want it with _you._ " Simon answered. "God, there you were, _living_ with me for fuck's sake and I couldn't even see it. I was a bloody stupid bastard."

"So to sum up," Neil said, "Will was a sad pathetic fuck about Simon, then Will moved on. Now Simon's a sad pathetic fuck about Will. Is 'at right?"

"That sounds about right," Jay said. "You two tossers know you've got to get together, right?"

"Why's it so important to you?" Will asked. Max had finished his bottle and Will handed him, droopy-eyed, back to Jay, who took him and started burping him.

"Well for one thing, I've never seen two people who more obviously belong together than you two wankers. Honestly, the way you guys just put up with each other?"

Simon and Will looked at each other and shrugged a little, as if to say "I guess that's true."

"Secondly, Holly's parents are a couple of mad conservative UKIP twats, and God, you know my parents. Max here needs some gay uncles so he doesn't go 'round picking up on their gross ideas."

"How sweet," Will said dryly.

"Ah, you know what I mean," Jay said. "Neil, open up that buggy, eh?"

Neil loped over to the baby's buggy and unfolded it. Jay carefully laid a near-asleep Max down and buckled him in, and watched as Max's eyes gradually closed and he fell asleep.

"So that's why we came," Neil said. "We wanted to make sure Simon didn't fuck this all up, and so you knew he was serious about telling people."

"Even, like, your parents?" Will asked Simon.

"Everyone," Simon answered. "I'll put it on fucking Facebook if you want me to."

Will didn't know what to say. He went quiet for a few moments. "OK. Well, first of all, I've missed you too. And not just the….er...bedroom stuff."

"Bedroom stuff," Jay said disparagingly and rolling his eyes. "It's not polite company, just call it what it is, buggering or arse play or blowjobs or whatever."

"That," Will said. "I missed all of it. And the other stuff too, like you said. Dinner and the pub, and just being with you." He paused. "I just want you to be sure. Because once you're out of the closet, you can't really go back in. And now you've outed yourself to the people in this room, but it's not too late to change your mind about everyone else."

"I'm not changing my mind, Will," Simon said vehemently. "Any shite that gets thrown my way for being with another man is...well, it'll be worth it, won't it? Me and you facing it together."

"It's not that romantic when it's happening," Will pointed out.

"I didn't mean it like that," Simon said. "I just meant it like, I feel like I _can_ face it when I'm with you."

Will looked at Simon, then he glanced at Jay and Neil. All three were looking at him expectantly. Of course they knew he was going to take Simon back. It was a done deal from the moment Simon walked in here and kissed him.

"Yes," Will said.

"You mean?" Will asked.

"I knew it," Neil clapped.

"Yes," Will said again. "God, don't be an idiot. Of course I'll take you back."

Simon covered his mouth with his hands, but Will could tell from his eyes that he was smiling. "Yes? Really?" he asked.

"Yes," Will said a third time.

"Here," said Neil, standing up and offering Will his spot on the couch, "Come sit next to your boyfriend," he said.

Will sat next to Simon, but they'd just spent much of the last four years very carefully not touching one another in front of Jay and Neil, and now it felt weird and conspicuous for them to even let their shoulders brush sitting side-by-side. Their eyes met and they smiled and laughed a little, and Will knew Simon was thinking the same thing.

Jay and Neil looked at each other and both rolled their eyes.

"I don't even know what to say," Will said.

"You can thank us later," Jay said waving him off.

"I can't believe you brought Max with you here." Will said, changing the subject to avoid how awkward it'd suddenly become.

"He loves riding the trains," Jay said shrugging. "And Holly isn't feeling well, so…" Jay frowned.

"What's wrong?"

Jay rubbed his face in his hands, "We just found out. She's knocked up again."

"What the _fuck?_ " Will and Simon said together.

"Do you not know how this happens?" Will asked.

"We know," Jay said irritably. "But usually women who are breastfeeding don't go on the rag, so we thought it was safe."

"So your kids will be…." Simon tried to do the math in his head.

"About fourteen months apart," Jay answered. He looked at Will.

"Don't look at me," Will said. "I'm not going to tell you to get an abortion this time. I think Max seems really healthy and happy, and you actually seem to know what you're doing."

"Yeah, listen. Right after he was born, my dad said that he never changed a nappy in his life. And I thought about what I said to you, that I need to do the opposite what my dad did. So right then, he was maybe two days old, and I changed my first nappy. And it's so easy, mates. Like, babies are messy and take up a lot of time, and they don't sleep enough at night. But," he shrugged, "I dunno. You don't mind it so much when it's yours."

They teased Jay for a while longer, especially when he said he really might get a vasectomy after the second baby. Then they tried to think of girls to set Neil up with ("Nah. I'm good. I like sleeping with a bunch of different birds. Don't want to get tied down like Jay.")

When Max woke up, Jay fed him a few Cheerios and mashed vegetables, before changing his nappy and heading out to catch the train back.

Simon and Will said their goodbyes at the door, and as soon as it was shut, turned to each other to finish the kiss that Simon had started earlier. Simon had Will pressed against the door, hips sunk into Will's.

"I can't believe this," Will murmured. However he'd been expecting his day to go when he'd woken up this morning, _this_ wasn't it.

"I know," Simon agreed, leaning his forehead to Will's. "Isn't it brilliant?"

"Come on," Will said, "Let's go to bed."

Simon followed Will into the bedroom, shedding their clothes the entire way there, and together they flopped naked into bed. Simon was on his back legs flopped to the sides with Will between them, crawling his way up Simon's body, planting kisses from his thighs, up to his abdomen and chest before, pressing their lips together.

"I want you to fuck me," Simon breathed.

Will hung his head, chin touching his chest. "Fuck, Si. I actually don't have any lube or condoms on me."

"S'Okay," Simon assured him. "We've got time for that. For now we can just…." He drifted off as he kissed Will.

Will lay fully down, his weight pressing down on Simon's body, and it felt so good. It was amazing, Will had forgotten in these last months how it felt to lie with someone you cared about. How it was to just lose yourself with someone and know someone so well, you didn't feel self-conscious about the pudge around your middle or your daft hair that never looked cool no matter what you did to it.

If they wanted to be slow and appreciate it, that didn't happen. They were too anxious, too happy to be back together after more than a year of this to even consider taking their time. It was mere minutes before they were rutting frantically against each other, Will reaching between them and grabbing both their cocks with one hand and jerking.

Simon's eyes widened and he gasped loudly as he threw back his head when he came, and seconds later Will groaned and bit his lip and followed suit. He held himself up limply over Simon's prone body for a few moments as the shocks ran through his body, catching his breath, before laying his body over Simon's and kissing deeply. He didn't care that they were both wet with come, and it was growing cooler and stickier between them.

When Will finally rolled off, Simon got up and grabbed tissues, tossing some to Will. He grabbed his phone out of his trouser pockets and crawled back into bed next to Will. He turned the camera on, "Come close," he ordered.

"What?"

"Selfie," Simon answered.

Will leaned his head into Simon's and Simon snapped the photo. Then he inspected it. There was no question what the photo was. They were in bed and shirtless, their hair was a mess so they both looked well and truly fucked. He loved it.

"I wasn't kidding about coming out on Facebook," Simon said.

"You aren't posting that photo, are you?"

Simon grinned and shrugged, turning the phone away from Will so he couldn't see.

Will jumped up to grab his phone and opened the Facebook app. It took a couple of minutes, but he got a notification that he'd been tagged. Simon had tagged him. "Simon Cooper is now in a relationship with Will McKenzie."

"You can't take it back now," Will joked.

"I wouldn't want to," Simon said, still fiddling with his phone. "This last year has taught me that well enough." He paused and thought, "I probably should call my parents before they see it on Facebook."

Will's phone buzzed with another notification, and he checked his app. "Jesus, Si" Will called as Simon slipped out of the room to call his parents. "You posted the picture too?"

Simon laughed merrily and winked at Will.

Will looked at it thoughtfully. It _was_ a really good photo. And they weren't exactly naked. Well, they were, but you could only see from their shoulders up. Simon looked incredibly happy and Will had to admit that he did too.

He scrolled back up to where Simon had changed his relationship status, and Will decided to go ahead and change his while he was here. He noticed the first comment on Simon's change of status and did a double-take to see it was Sarah. "Told you so, ;)" He smiled as he clicked 'like' on her comment.

Then he changed his profile picture to the one Simon had just posted.

He could hear Simon in the other room talking to his parents, "Well, I'm not asking your permission, mum," he said. "I'm telling you this is how it is." Pause, "That's a stupid question. Of course I love him."

Will smiled to himself. He saved the photo to his phone and texted it to his mother, _Mum. I'm seeing someone. I think you'll really like him._

He threw the phone to the side, and got under the covers. He could still hear Simon in the next room, defending himself to his parents ("You know what, Dad? I don't really give a fuck what Grandma will say about it."), but Simon wasn't backing down, not even for a second, to what sounded like his parents arguing that being with Will was a bad idea, and that there's no way he could be into other guys. ("Well, considering we've been together on and off for the last four years, and that I've slept with a few other men, I'd say me being into blokes isn't just a phase." And then, "I don't care if you think that's too much information. It's the way it is.")

It had been a full day, and all he wanted to do was get Simon back into bed. But he could wait. Simon needed to have this talk with his parents, and Will had time. Together, they had all the time in the world.


End file.
